I'm now 22 weeks pregnant and it's safe to say that my nausea has finally disappeared and my appetite has grown leaps and bounds. I've put on about 8 kgs to date and happy to say so!
The early stages of pregnancy were very very difficult for me, I don't know if it's because I've got twins but I spoke to another friend who had a set of twins and her nausea was just as bad as mine. It's the kind of nausea I would never wish upon my worst enemy.
I read books and websites about what to expect, the babies' development and even pregnancy blogs, which may not have been the best thing to do so early in my pregnancy because people only talk about the good stuff. About how beautiful they feel, how wonderful it is to be pregnant and how they are radiating with grace and beauty from within. And all I wanted to do was go to them and slap them in the face.
Ok, that's a little extreme but when you are feeling like crap and probably looking like crap too it really sucks when you read a glowing review about a mother who is still doing headstands and handstands in her 9th month of pregnancy and talking about how you will feel beautiful if you are positive and are one with the universe.
Sometimes I don't know if reading these so-called 'motivational' blogs actually inspire you, especially when you are in such a vulnerable state. In fact I started to doubt myself and felt a little guilty for feeling nauseas all the time, which in fact was not my fault at all. I mean if you're sick you're sick.
I've recently joined a group on Facebook recommended by my mother friends and I do feel that some of the posts posted in the forum may come across as insensitive to other mothers. Take for example a photograph of 20-30 bottles of expressed breast milk in the freezer, I understand that supply of breast milk is a rare commodity and that the mother is proud to show such a bountiful supply but I can only imagine the mother struggling with a limited supply looking at these pictures and feeling bad about it. This I find unfair. Why should the other mother feel bad when she is doing the best she can?
The same applies to women who have had a c-section. We are now in a time where au naturel is the way to go and any other way is going against nature, which raises stubborn women who sometimes put their babies at risk just because mothers feel guilty for not being able to deliver their babies naturally.
Before I got pregnant I had all these ideas of how my pregnancy and delivery was going to be. All of which has flown out the window. I told myself that I'd want to have a water birth at home, I'd be pampered hand and foot by all around me and I'd be floating on cloud nine for nine months.
To be perfectly honest, I don't feel any of these things. Well for starters I'm having twins, which complicates things slightly, I don't want to be pampered because I feel that I am as capable as I was pre-pregnancy (I just move a little slower than I used to) and emotionally I seem to be stable, realistic and somewhat more patient than I have ever been. Maybe being sober all the time helps too!
I don't know, children tend to just throw your life in all sorts of directions and I guess you're just supposed or expected to float and ride the tide. I'm slightly over past my halfway mark and have finally settled on the doctor that will deliver our babies. But I have also told myself that the babies are the real deciding factor as to how they will be brought into this world. As long as they are healthy I cannot and will not ask for anything more.
