Januarism

Cin-ful Buns

2012-02-29T10:21:00.000+08:00

For some odd reason yesterday I felt like making cinnamon rolls, so I did.

Went to get the groceries from the hypermarket up the road. It was such a beautiful day.

Laid out all the ingredients on the table and got my baking groove on.

First I scalded some milk, vegetable oil and sugar. Just as it came to boil I switched off the fire and put it aside to cool.

In the mean time I melted some butter. What are cinnamon rolls without it? Unfortunately, I didn't look at the packet properly and bought salted butter. I used it anyway...

After the milk mixture cooled I added the yeast and then the flour and put it aside for an hour to prove. In that hour I went back to my mum's place to borrow her rolling pin.

After the proving, I added another cup of flour, some baking soda and powder and kneaded the dough slightly and formed a rectangle like so.

Then came the fun part, first you drench the dough with butter.

Then with a cup of sugar (I used brown).

Then with lots and lots of cinnamon powder.

Then you roll it all up and cut then into an inch or inch and a half pieces and dump them in a greased baking aluminum dish. I didn't take any photos of these because by this time my hands were oily and dirty.

Then you pop these babies into the oven at 190 degrees for about 15 minutes. In the meantime I whipped up some icing sugar, butter and vanilla essence for the frosting. Poured it all over the baked buns and Ta Da!

The recipe made about 7 trays of 5-6 buns so I'll be spending today delivering it to some lucky people.

But be warned, it's a messy, messy job!

Godsent

2012-02-28T00:48:00.000+08:00

There are just some stories that you just can't make up.

This is one of them...

Two days before we moved into our new place I received a phone call from my sister, telling me that she needed someone to dogsit while she was away in Bangkok for an entire week. I repeatedly asked her if there was anyone else she could leave Wallis with but the fact that she called me meant that all her other dogsitters were unavailable. So despite my viral fever I agreed and dogsat.

Within the first 10 minutes of Wallis' arrival, she had already pooed at the foot of the staircase, I scolded her, put her back in her crate and cleaned up the mess. 'How am I going to spend an entire week with this dog?' I thought. I was also told that Wallis was not the brightest and would walk all over her poo if her crate was not cleaned fast enough. So I'd be stressed waking up every morning hoping that she was not soiled. It was not fun.

However, after 3 days, Wallis and I got into a little routine and I have to admit I fell in love with her. We moved into the new place with her and she seemed to follow me everywhere I went. To the kitchen, to the bathroom and she'd even plop underneath my legs on the sofa.

I loved that the new house didn't seem so big with her around. She seemed to light up every time I came home and would endlessly shower me with affection. How could you not fall in love with a creature like that? Dog or not...

When it was time for Wallis to go home, I said goodbye with a very heavy heart. It was then that hubby promised that we'd get a pup as soon as possible.

So, like we do everything in this household, we started our research - to adopt or buy, pedigree or mixed breed, male or female. We read up on beagles, dobermans, german shepards, golden retrievers, jack russell terriers. We visited breeders, went to SPCA, PAWS, the pet shops in Mid Valley, The Curve, GE Mall, Tropicana Mall, and then I was told to check out petfinder.my and discovered the KL Pooch Rescue Team.

It was here that I fell in love with a puppy named Charlie. He was the most handsome puppy I'd ever seen. He had a beautiful shiny black coat of fur, long muscular limbs and what I'd like to call lion-like paws. Charlie was de-wormed on the day we saw him so it was a little hard to see his real temperament so we decided to come back in 2 days and it was then and there we signed the papers to adopt him.

We were given till Friday to prep our home for the little pup but in the mean time we started thinking of names for him. We thought of Bulan, since it was a full moon on the night we adopted him. But for some reason I thought of the name Angus and was adamant on naming him that but hubs refused to let me give our puppy from Klang, a Scottish name.

The day before Charlie was supposed to arrive, we were told that he had fallen ill. We were told that he may have eaten something that caused him to throw up and gave him diarrhoea. We were also told that it was not a cause for concern because puppies tend to eat anything and everything and it was a normal problem however, they said that they would wait for him to recover fully before bringing him over to our house.

For the next 3 days, Charlie seemed to get progressively worse and on Saturday morning, I received a phone call saying that Charlie had taken a turn for the worse. He was going to be discharged so that he wouldn't have to spend his last night alone. He didn't make it and passed away at 3 am on the 12th of February.

I learned that he suffered from the very fatal parvovirus, which attacks the gastrointestinal tract of puppies. However, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

The KL Pooch Rescue Team informed me that Charlie had a brother who was recently discharged from the hospital. Ironically, he survived from the very disease that killed his brother and the name that the rescue team gave him was...

Angus.

Of course when I heard this, I kept his name to myself and just told hubby that we needed to go over and have a look at Charlie's brother. We were very hesitant on adopting him right after his brother had passed but after we saw him we knew that he was waiting for us all along. After we agreed on taking him home one of the KL Pooch Rescuers called him and hubby did a double take and asked "What is his name?" I giggled. It's not even funny how I always seem to get my way!

We have had Angus for 2 weeks now and I can't even imagine what took him so long to get here...

Leading Up To Lent

2012-02-20T11:16:00.000+08:00

With Ash Wednesday coming up, hubs and I thought that we better get our meat fix before we begin our 40 day vegetarian fast leading up to Easter. So what better way to stock up on meat than a juicy, melt-in-your-mouth steak?

I was fixed on having two tenderloin steaks, so I popped over to Ben's General Food Store, Publika and I was in for a treat!

Wagyu tenderloin! I'm not a steak person but I was not going to say no to some Wagyu, so we bought two slabs of 200g tenderloin. After the sheer excitement of imagining myself eating the steak wore off, I realised that I had to cook it perfectly. Come on, I didn't want to be known as the one who ruined a Wagyu steak!

So I got home and started googling 'How to cook a Wagyu steak'. There were many schools of thought on how to make the 'perfect' steak. Some required searing the outside and then popping it into the oven, which seemed a little risky and complicated because I didn't have those thermometers that you can stick into the centre of the meat, so how would I know when the meat was done?

Plus, if I had such a good cut of meat, why would I want to cook it so well? I wanted to eat it rare so that it would be juicy and just dissolve in my mouth. *Drool*

So I came across a video on youtube and I think that this method would probably be the best way of preparing a steak. A steak should never be accompanied by sauce/ gravy because it would completely hide the flavours of the meat! Unless that was the exact intention of having gravy in the first place.

So what was the secret method of preparing the steak? Very simply:

Step 1

Make sure your meat is at room temperature. Season with salt and pepper and oil lightly with some olive oil. Heat up a DRY frying pan on high for 5 minutes.

Step 2

Place steaks in the pan and make sure they don't touch each other because it will cause the meat to boil instead of fry. Give each side a minute (for thinner slices) or a little more and flip. Cut a garlic and rub gently on each side followed by brushing some butter on the meat. The time the steaks take to cook depends on how you like your steak. The softer the steak it to the touch, the rarer it is.

Step 3

Remove steaks from the pan (should've taken about 3-4 mins to cook) and let them rest on a plate for 3-4 minutes, depending on the thickness of the meat. Transfer steaks to a separate plate and mix the juices from the steaks with a knob of butter and pour the 'resting' juices onto the steaks and serve immediately with your favourite veggies. I also like to place a knob of butter on each steak simply because you can never have enough butter!

Pure bliss!

My Pup's Penis Pus

2012-02-20T00:10:00.001+08:00

I had the weirdest conversation with my pup's adoption folks. This is how it went:

Me: Hi, umm...my pup's private parts seem to be oozing some sort of pus. Is this normal or does he have an infection?

KLPoochRescue: Hahahahahaha....erm...how do I put this politely? You know how sometimes an adult dog's foreskin pulls back and you see his pink thingy?

Me: Erm...yes?

KLPR: Well, Angus is still really young so his parts aren't able to do that yet, which explains the pus. Normally, adult dog's foreskin action gets rid of this pus, which explains Angus's pus around that area.

Me: Wow, really? Hubs was so worried about Angus that he made me call you to find out about this immediately.

KLPR: Well, tell Ray not to worry unless it happens to his 'area'. Hahahaha....

Me: Thanks so much for your help.

KLPR: No worries. So glad to have had this conversation with you.

-_-

After much googling, I've come to learn that the discharge is called smegma and it is caused by bacteria that is caught underneath the shaft. It is not abnormal, it is not a cause for concern and it is unavoidable. However, it will improve once a dog is neutered.

Lady of Leisure

2012-02-19T12:40:00.001+08:00

I sincerely apologise for the lack of posts. In the past 4 months a lot has happened. We started and completed our house renovation, we moved our boxes scattered across Ampang, Taman Tun and a storage house in Jalan Ipoh to our new place and unpacked, furnished our new home, installed ASTRO, a new phone line and Streamyx, started up an account with Syabas and TNB, resuscitated our grass that had turned brown from the lack of rain and lastly, adopted puppy Angus.

Oh, and by we, I mean me.

Ask me anything with regards to moving into a new home and I guarantee you that I will know the answer. Contact for the cheapest roller blinds, wall lights, cushions and cushion covers? Just last week I found out how to change the tenancy of your TNB bill. Do you know how complicated the process is?

Step 1
Pick up a form from any TNB office.

Step 2
Fill out the form and prepare the following documents:
- 1 copy of the Sales & Purchase Agreement
- 1 copy of the I.C whose name the house is under in
- 2 RM10 Stamp Duty stamps (from any post office)
- Verify your Stamp Duty stamps at the Lembaga Hasil office in Jalan Duta

- Prepare RM 1,600 for your deposit (previous owner will forfeit the deposit since he didn't cancel it himself)

Step 3
Submit the form and all the documents required to the TNB in your area.
Should take 24 hours to process.

All of that just to change the name on your electricity bill. And yet you call me a Lady of Leisure? I don't find any of these things very leisurely, would you?

I absolutely hate it when people go "Wah, you so lucky la, I want to be like you and not do anything". Every time I hear that, my hand clenches into a fist and I shove my hand into my pocket so I don't punch that person right in the face.

I understand you head to work everyday at a certain time, sit in your office chair for 3 to 4 hours, head to your nearest hawker stall, eat your nasi campur, head back to your computer for another 3 to 4 hours, hit 'Refresh' on your browser to check out your friend's latest Facebook status and then pack up and head home. So shouldn't I say, "Wah, you so lucky! I wish I could be like you and sit around all day checking your Facebook page!"

-_-

Don't get me wrong, ever since I got married, I've had my fair share with my own conscience, "I think I should get a job", "I didn't go to university to end up a housewife", "Women didn't burn their bras so that you can stay at home and cook and clean", and this conversation went on and on...

When we started renovating for the house, I realised that if I had been working, I wouldn't even know how I'd have been able to juggle a job and the house. The delivery people never came on time, which meant that I had to sit in the house waiting for air cons, sofa sets, etc and a whole day would pass just because these people did not understand what punctuality meant.

Don't even get me started on contractors. We dealt with a 'celebrity' contractor who never took notes, which meant that there were a lot of mistakes. Cool bulbs instead of warm bulbs, yellow paint instead of white paint, which then meant I had to whip him into place with my terrible malay many, many times leading him to sulk, many, many times. But I've been told that that's normal.

I must say all was not lost. I learnt so much and have matured immensely from this process and have nestled into my role of 'housewife' quite seamlessly and unconsciously. I was in denial for the longest time but then I realised what is so wrong with being a 'housewife'? Seriously? Why do we look down upon women who decline to get a job? We're not any less intelligent than you are, we know what's going on in the world and we can carry a decent conversation with anyone you throw infront of us.

I take pride in making dinner every night for my husband. I love sleeping in a bed I make for the both of us. I am old school that way. I don't sit very well with another woman doing that for my man.

But that is just me and I am absolutely happy.

Shit We Say!

2012-02-16T10:29:00.001+08:00

Nothing I love more than a good laugh at my own people.

Shit Malaysians Say

Shit Melayus Say

Celebrating Life

2012-02-15T21:08:00.001+08:00

The first post of 2012 will not be a happy one I'm afraid. Last month, Hubby was admitted to the hospital for the first time for a very bad asthma attack and the next day we lost our Aunty Rita. She had a mild heart attack at home but was brought to the hospital and stabilised. Then during her angiogram she had a mild stroke and never came out of it. I've only known her for over 2 years but she would never fail to light up whenever she saw me. She always complained that she ate too much (she was a tiny, tiny lady) and always had lots of fun wherever she went. At a first glance you'd think she was just a quiet, old lady who didn't have much to say but if you just sat next to her and said hello, you'd realise that you couldn't be further away from your first impression.

Her funeral was the first one I have experienced as a daughter-in-law and I was surprised at how composed everyone was. Instead of grieving, everyone accepted that it was her time to go and join the Lord and her late husband. They spoke so fondly of her and really celebrated her life. I guess in a way, it shows how many people the family have lost and how they've really come to understand that eventually life does come to an end and perhaps life itself is suffering and death gives you the eternal rest that we all long for.

We will miss you dearly Aunty Rita and I am so glad to have met you.

'Eternal rest grant unto Aunty Rita O Lord and let perpetual light shine upon her'

A Glimpse of Sutra Rasa

2011-11-11T12:47:00.002+08:00

One of my readers shared this link with me and I thought I'd pass it on and share it with you. This is a small glimpse of Sutra Rasa, the production we presented in Cuttack (India), Hague, Amsterdam, Antwerpe, Utrecht and Bangkok. This particular video was shot at the Korzo Theatre in Den Haag, which was attended by our very own Malaysian High Commissioner Datuk Fauziah.

Hope you like it...

Sutra Rasa Review #1

2011-11-11T12:40:00.001+08:00

Taken from http://www.danspubliek.nl/rasasutra.html#english

Report

Sutra Dance Theatre: RasaSutra

Dazzling performance of Indian Odissi Dance by two Malaysian star dancers accompanied by Indian live music.

Seen:

On October 27th , 2011 in The Hague Korzo
On October 28th , 2011 in Amsterdam Tropentheater
On October 29th , 2011 in Antwerp Zuiderpershuis
On October 30th , 2011 RASA Utrecht

By: Roni Verstappen
Photography: Marcel van Beek

Performing arts from the Southeast Asian peninsula Malaysia is rarely to be seen In European theatres. The end of last October an opportunity arose. And what kind of a performing art! The peninsula, bordering and resembling Indonesia, is home to fascinating, original dance cultures, of which some are threatened with extinction. The Main Petri, Menora, Makyong, Javanese court dance related Malay rites, Iban headhunter dance rituals in Sarawak, the Orang Asli with shamanistic ceremonies movement etc.

The Malaysian population is truly multicultural. Caused by the influence of the former British rulers, there are three major ethnic groups to be noticed; the Indonesian alike Malays, the Chinese and the Indians. All three form the mixed culture of Malaysia. Ramli Ibrahim, artistic director and premier dancer established decades ago his in the Malaysian capital Kuala Lumpur based Sutra Dance Theatre. It has the structure of a private education institute and ensemble training and delivering top dancers from multiracial descent, raised in East Indian Odissi dance.

Belonging to the Malay population, which is Islamic, Ramli studied pre-Islamic dance arts that may have influenced Malaysia's past. Ramli and his Sutra Dance Theatre successfully fought for national and international recognition during times when fundamentalist movements occasionally ruled contemporary Malaysian politics. The group tours worldwide for many years and is sought after. Renowned for their refined interpretations of Odissi with Malaysian and contemporary influences Sutra plays annually in the lion's den: the theatre and festival world of India.

Odissi is one of the seven major classical Indian dance forms. Odissi was originally a ritual temple dance performed by Mahari in the eastern Indian state of Orissa. Later it was performed in the courts of princes and subsequently in the royal courts and ultimately for the common people. The present revival of Odissi is based on the traditional positions in ancient sculpture art. Odissi is characterized by the use of 'mudras', esoteric hand and finger positions, fluid movements and static postures of aesthetic beauty and grace. It is believed to be between 2000 to 4000 years old.

The dance appears very erotic and is profoundly interwoven with the ancient spiritual, liberating Hindu system of Bhakti yoga, the yoga of devotion. Yoga positions pervade the Odissi movement vocabulary. Within the body a balance is constantly sought between the masculine and feminine, the energies of Ida and Pingala. This is expressed by two significant dance postures. The first is called Chowka, a powerful approach based on Shiva's square Tandavo energy in honor of Lord Jagannath, an especially in Orissa venerated wooden ancient god with round eyes. The second is Tribungi an opposing physical posture in which soft Lasya energy associated with Shiva's wife, Parvati reflects femininity. The latter energy achieves a balanced asymmetry in the entire upper body by means of an 'S' curve.

The dance duets and solos Sutra performs are jewels of an Odissi dance master, the late Guru Debaprasad Das, rarely performed today. The Sutra Dance Theatre in Kuala Lumpur is a wonderful surprise of top artistic level. One of the notable performers is the Malaysian beauty of Indian-Chinese parents, dancer January Low. She danced impressively next to Ramli during the Rasa Sutra program in the Netherlands and Belgium. Today they both belong to the most spectacular performers of Odissi. Here they received standing ovations and a cheering audience. Low belongs to a rare breed of natural dancers. Such precision, refined expression, musicality and perfect control presented with a dazzling appearance. Great combination with the powerful stage personality of Ramli Ibrahim, also a detailed performer of the first order. Ramli has an equally youthful image as his dance partner and younger pupil January Low.

The accompanying, uplifting music of five virtuoso musicians from Bubaneshwar, Orissa makes the 70 minute show into a hypnotic experience. The spectacular Mardal (a double sided beaten drum) of Guru Dhaneshwar Swain, the inimitable Ukkutas (vocal "rap") and Manjira (finger bells) of Guru Gajendra Kumar Panda with the ecstatic flute waterfalls by Abhiram Nanda, the ornamental phrases of Snapneswar Chakraborty's sitar with mesmerizing vocals and harmonium from Laksmi Kanta Guru Palit make this performance already only because of the music a sensory feast of inspiring quality.

The sung poems in honor of Hindu deities remain unforgettable. Rich in dynamics, non stop surprising. Likewise, the perfectly and tastefully choreographed dances will make Western viewers immediately notice how powerful music and movement are able to interact rhythmically and melodically. An interaction which nowadays could seldom be witnessed in such intensity on our European stages. RasaSutra is a moving and exhilarating 70 minutes high class dance ritual, immaculately performed. Very rare. Make sure you are there next time; you will not easily forget this.

I'm Home...

2011-11-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

What was I thinking? You know what I was telling people before I went on this tour? I was telling people that this would be my last show. I kid you not...

I told everyone that this would be my last show and that after this, I'd stop dancing for awhile and start a family. Honestly, I believed it when I said it. I think it was my coping mechanism. I didn't think that I had it in me to dance anymore and my muse had left me. Being always taught that the muse was a sensitive thing and if you didn't take care of her, she'd leave you even before you thought of stopping your art. Just like a normal woman would do, before she got hurt.

Oh, but how things change. This tour, has been my most important milestone. I don't know how scary you knew it was, to take on a tour when you haven't danced in 2 years. I had shows booked in some of the most important theatres in Europe, I had an orchestra flown in from India and I was requested to perform for these shows. The pressure was enormous. But, I was fearless and I jumped into the deepest end of the pool.

Miraculously, I stayed afloat. In fact I did more than float, I went on to win the 100m sprint, butterfly stroke. Yes, I succeeded.

I moved people.

I had a couple tell me that I danced better than a dancer from the land of Odissi. Can you imagine that? Imagine, the best curry tasted in a land out of India. Success...

I had a couple with tears in their eyes tell me that with so much ugliness in the world today, how could they miss an opportunity to watch beauty? This couple lived in Paris and took a train to watch my performance, twice. One in Amsterdam and one in Utrecht.

How can one stop dancing when you affect people, let alone a person this way? How can you neglect a God given gift like this? How can you go on normally knowing that you have something bigger than life to share with the world?

I really don't know...

But I know now that opportunities come and go on the conveyor belt of life and sometimes, you let things pass you knowing that something greater is coming along the way and if you are ready and patient enough to wait for it, it springs forth and grabs you by the neck and you lose yourself in a fantasy and realise that life can be wonderful when you least expect it.

Incredible India...

2011-10-29T08:38:00.000+08:00

I have not performed a full Odissi repertoire in over a year, I have not been on a dance tour for over 2 years and the last time I danced with this set of musicians was over 10 years ago. So you can imagine that I was an absolute wreck before i left for this tour. It did not help that I was traveling the entire day in order to get to Bhubaneswar, which left my mind idle for the devil to play around with. I was afraid I wouldn't have enough stamina, I was afraid that the audience would think I had lost 'it' (though I'm not too sure what 'it' really is) and I was afraid that I wouldn't be good enough.

Having danced for the past 18 years, I can feel whether I'm doing a good job or not. I have been performing on and off during the past 2 years and I feel that I have not been able to dance with as much ease as I did back in the day when I used to frequent Sutra's tours. Hence, the anxiety before I left because I'd be dancing with a group of musicians from Orissa who know good and bad Odissi and I didn't want to let them down. I didn't want them to think that I hadn't improved or matured as a dancer after all these years. I didn't want them to think that they were wrong by saying that I had the potential to be something great...

right after the wedding, I started attending ballet and Odissi classes once a week in Sutra. In the beginning, I struggled to get through the ballet class, forget about the Odissi class that followed. I never realized how difficult balled was, every movement is internalized, every muscle is switched on and the control of the body was tough. Every Tuesday I woke up sore and unable to walk. But I knew this was normal and necessary for my body to get stronger. Hubby never understood this and only saw it as self-torture. He thought that I was over doing it and couldn't fathom why I kept doing this to myself. You see, he met me at a time of my life where I was not dancing so frequently. If he met me during my 'dancing days' he'd have been used to it by now...

as the classes continued, I felt myself getting stronger, I could lift my legs higher and stand on releve for a whole lot longer. After our honeymoon, I made a conscious effort to sign up to a gym and get back into shape. The main impetus to this decision was definitely all the hot french mothers I saw on the beaches in Nice. I kid you not, mothers of 2 or 3 with buns and abs of steel were abundant and all i wanted to do was hide in the ocean because that's where us whales belong!

I came back and signed up to the gym and started thread milling and doing the classes they offered. No long after I also started rehearsing for the tour, daily. However, as I rehearsed I felt like my legs were made of lead and I couldn't articulate my feet as I used to. I remember when I was much younger, Ramli would describe this as feet that 'melekat' to the floor (sticky feet). This made me worry because it meant that my legs were not strong enough and if my legs were already heavy, how would i be able to perform with my ankle bells that will further weigh down my already heavy legs?

I continued my rehearsals hoping that I'd get back into the groove of things but to no avail. I went for yoga every other day and instead of growing stronger, I felt my legs growing weaker everyday and aches grew more and more painful. When I couldn't stand it anymore, I decided to stop rehearsing a few days before i left to India so that I could heal, I continued yoga though because I needed the stretch.

When I arrived in India, I couldn't stop thinking that I hadn't rehearsed in 4 days and I was afraid that I'd have regressed and I wouldn't have the stamina to complete the entire rehearsal. It didn't help that I had 2 hours of sleep the night before and a full day of travel the day before we met up with the musicians. Dread, dread, dread...

I woke up bright and early on Wednesday morning, did a few sun salutations, stretched and had a muesli bar and a cup of coffee. I tied my practice saree, lined my eyes with kohl and red-dotted the space between my eyebrows. Sigh...here we go i thought.

We arrived at Guru Gajendra Kumar Panda's dance space and was greeted by the sounds of the harmonium (Indian accordion) and Palit's golden mellifluous voice. I walked into the little shed that we would be rehearsing in and it felt like coming home. The musicians looked exactly as they did 10 years ago and as eager to begin rehearsals as I was. From the very second I tapped my toes and begun the Mangala Caranam, my fears and anxiety flew out the window. My movements seemed to flow from one seamless transition to another, my feet didn't seem sticky anymore and something from within stirred.

It's funny how 10 years ago, when I was on my first duet tour of Orissa with Ramli, my parents also tagged along and I remember my father telling me that I danced differently in Orissa. It was a subtle difference but he said it seemed like I danced with more ease here. I didn't really understand what he meant by this, but 10 years later, I finally understand. Maybe it's the food, the air, the dust underneath my feet, the salt in the food...I don't know. But dancing Odissi in the land of Odissi is good for me, good for my soul.

Tonight, I will be performing in Cuttack for the 45th Kumar Utsav Festival. This organization was established for the development of Orissa's art & culture. This performance kicks off our tour...

Sent from my iPad

Dance Tour

2011-10-17T11:01:00.000+08:00

Hi all, I've been up to my ears preparing for a dance tour with Ramli Ibrahim. I didn't say much because I didn't want to jinx it...you know "evil eye" and all that jazz. So here's what's happening...

I leave early tomorrow morning for Chennai and then I hop on a plane to Kolkata and then I hop on another plane to Bhubaneswar (don't ask me why I'm hopping on so many planes!). Then I will rehearse with the musicians for our program called, Sutrarasa and will perform this program in Cuttack, Orissa.

After which, we all (Ramli, Shiva and the musicians) hop on a plane to Delhi and hop onto another plane to Brussels. Once we land in Brussels, I think we will take a coach to Amersfoort, Netherlands, which will act as our base for a week. We have a day to rest and then for 4 consecutive nights perform in Netherlands/ Belgium. The dates and venues for our shows are:

27th Oct - Korzo Theatre, Hague

28th Oct - Tropen Theatre, Amsterdam

29th Oct - Zuiderpershuis, Antwerp

30th Oct - Rasa, Utrecht

(If you are nearby please come over and say hello! Click on the theatre names for more information)

On the 31st we all head back to Delhi where we will bid adieu to the musicians and make our way to the land of smiles where we will be performing at the Alliance Francaise, Bangkok on the 3rd and 5th of November.

I will then head home with hubby and my in-laws on the 6th of November.

Phew! I haven't even left yet and I am already tired...

Wish me luck!

Nine Divine Nights

2011-09-28T12:43:00.000+08:00

Navaratri (Nava-nine, ratri-night) is a Hindu festival that invokes the feminine aspect of God in the form of Shakti. The nine nights are divided into three sets where the first set is dedicated to Durga, then Lakshmi and then Saraswati. The 10th day is celebrated as Vijayadasmi where homage is paid to the Guru as he/she brings the student from darkness to enlightened state.

Durga is known to be the remover of obstacles. As you can see in this image, she rides a lion and is seen vanquishing the demon Mahishasuramardini, which symbolises ignorance or obstacles.

Lakshmi, the Goddess of Wealth is also the consort of Vishnu and is prayed to for prosperity. She sits on a lotus and rides a swan.

Last but not least is the Goddess of Knowledge or Saraswati. She plays a lute and is clad in white. Her chosen means of transport is the peacock and holds a book and rosary. She is also a patron of music and the arts.

As I was growing up, Navarathri was the one thing I looked forward to every year because it was during this time that I'd be able to perform in temples all over Kuala Lumpur. Ramli took this opportunity to allow his younger students to get over their stage fright and get used to preparing ourselves for performances, you know, make up and costume, etc.

My favourite night would have to be Vijayadasmi in Sutra. This is the one time that all the students and teachers come together, pray to become better dancers and give respect to our teacher that has made us the dancers and people we are today. Even till today, I'd stand in awe of Sivarajah Natarajan or the dancing Siva statue and meditate on his benign face illuminated with oil lamps that burn brightly representing our passion for our art.

Happy Navaratri everyone!

My Lourdes Experience...

2011-09-27T11:09:00.000+08:00

For the longest time whenever someone asked me what religion I was I'd say, Roman Catholic, and complete the sentence with "a bad one..." Be it Catholic guilt whatsoever, but I was always told that if you didn't go to church every Sunday, you were indeed, a bad Catholic.

Now that I am older and more comfortable in my own skin, I omit the bad Catholic part. Because, what really is a bad Catholic? I highly doubt that not attending mass regularly immediately puts you on the "bad" list. I think that if you were a bad Catholic, it would probably mean you were a bad person on the whole regardless of what religion you are.

I have always been curious about religious rituals that many of my friends from different religious backgrounds practice and I am proud to say that I have tried every practice at least once. Be it fasting the entire month of Ramadan, to abstaining from meat during the Navaratri week and even walking from Lebuh Ampang all the way to Batu Caves carrying a Pal Kudam (milk pot).

Being born into a Catholic family, I must confess that I have never embraced my inherent religion until now. Maybe because I've married a Catholic man and if/when we have kids I'd like to raise them with the same values that my parents instilled in me. I love attending mass with my family because as cliched as it sounds, a family that prays together stays together.

Which brings me to write this post about my experience in Lourdes. People say that if you are meant to visit Our Lady of Lourdes, you will somehow find yourself heading towards the beautiful town. I've also heard so much about the miracles that happen there and once again, I was curious.

Be it a temple or a sacred tree, I've always found myself to be rather sensitive to feeling the energy of a particular place. There have been a few instances when I am performing in a temple or ashram in India and I am reduced to tears just because of the powerful vibrations present. So for a change, I wanted to visit a Catholic pilgrimage site just because I have never done so in my life and during this year's Lent I made a vow to abstain from meat the entire 40 days for the first time. So I felt like I did enough penance to permit me to visit these holy grounds. (Notice the Catholic guilt again?)

I planned the trip so that I'd be able to spend my birthday in Lourdes. I particularly wanted to start the day with the famous bath in their pools because what better way can you celebrate your birthday? So we made our way from Bordeaux by train and arrived on the 22nd of August.

After checking into a very basic Hotel Marial we immediately headed to the sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes (this is where I had a Eureka moment and realised that Notre Dame means "Our Lady"). Not being a part of any Church group, it was a little confusing at first but we managed to find out exactly where the Grotto was, the pools to dip in, the different churches, chapels and basilicas were.

As we passed the area where the pools were, hubby was very lucky to have been pulled into the line and managed to have a dip on the very first day in Lourdes. I, on the other hand, was not so lucky. The women's line into the area was closed as they had a very long queue of ladies waiting to go in. So I waited, and waited and waited some more for hubby to be done and during that time I remember very clearly what I was feeling. First, I am embarrassed to admit that I felt angry. I was angry because I really wanted to dip in the pool and I felt I deserved to be at least allowed in to wait in line because I have come all the way only to be told that the pools were full. My anger then faded and I told myself that everyone here had the same intention. As I was cooling off, a teenage girl stood next to me and spoke on her handphone saying "Yea, I just did the water thingy...yea...it was ok." That sent me back to my angry place, which faded soon enough and morphed into disappointment. As hubby emerged from the pools I couldn't mask my disappointment. But he said, "Don't worry bee. You just weren't meant to do it today. Didn't you say you wanted to do the bath on your birthday?" So with that hope in my heart, I felt better and decided to look forward to my dip tomorrow.

We then headed to do the Stations of the Cross something I have only done once in my life many, many, many years ago. I decided to focus my energies on a very dear friend's 8 year old cousin who is suffering from Leukemia. (Another reason, I felt my visit to Lourdes was apt, because he was diagnosed shortly before I left to France) So I completed the 14 Stations of the Cross and felt completely rejuvenated.

As you enter the grounds, you will find these boards with the "Our Father" in every language.

Luckily I did a bit of research before heading to Lourdes because I found out that at 9pm there would be a Torchlight Marian Procession. My knowledge of this procession was that it was going to be beautiful and everyone would be holding a candle. But after seeing what the entire procession was about, beautiful was an understatement. My breath was taken away when I saw hundreds of thousands of people holding candles and via a PA system, we were all led through the rosary in every different language.

Lourdes, known for about 67 miracle healings, is visited by many sick people. Once here, they are either placed in wheel chairs or hospital beds and attended to by volunteers. As you can see in the photograph above and below, they are placed at the front of the Marian Procession.

After the procession, we rushed to the Grotto, which was the cave where St. Bernadette saw the apparitions of Mother Mary. This was also where she discovered the spring, from which miracles have occurred by bathing or drinking the water from it. As I exited the grotto, I glanced at the famous Lady of Lourdes statue and was reduced to tears. I then just sat on the floor and stared at Our Lady and an overwhelming sense of compassion washed right over me. I asked her to forgive me and to bless everyone I knew with strength to overcome any obstacles that may come their way. I especially asked her to watch over the little 8 year old boy, struck with an agressive disease.

The next day, I woke up bright and early and rushed over to join the line to the pools at 8am knowing very well that it opened at 9am. When I got there, the line was already very, very long. At 9am, the gates opened but little did I realise was that there were 2 sections of the gates and only the first section managed to go in. Being stuck in the second section, my line did not budge. In the mornings, many of the pools are reserved for the sick, so they are wheeled in from the Accueils and hospitals across the river bank. After the sick were attended to, the second part of the gate opened again and allowed more people into the waiting area. Excited that my line began to move, I was hopeful. However, they closed the barrier and mere 5 people in front of me and we were told that these barriers would open again at 12.30pm and we would be able to enter the waiting area at 2pm.

At about 11.30am, I was ready to get out of the line and just forget about the entire bath, I mean come on, it had been 3 hours already, it had rained, I was wet and cold. If I was alone, I probably would have given up. But hubby was there with me and said I had come all the way here and waited for more than 3 hours, so what difference would another hour make? So all in all, I waited for over 6 hours to get my birthday present. I know for a fact that this was indeed a test as to how much I wanted to do this. After leaving the bath, the calmness and serenity I felt within was worth all the hours spent in that line.

Saint Bernadette pray for us...

Lady of Lourdes watch over us...

Undi Lah!

2011-09-20T11:14:00.000+08:00

I'd like to share with you Pete Teo's latest socio-political project Undi Lah. Undi means vote and lah is a Malaysia slang word we use whenever we end a sentence.

The words are true, this country is ours no matter what other people say. If we live in it, we should care about who runs it and the only way we can show that we care is by voting.

It only takes 3 simple steps to become a registered voter.

Click here!

Undi lah! Jangan diam diam...

(Vote lah! Don't keep quiet...)

Hasty Tastings

2011-09-20T00:53:00.000+08:00

Please forgive me for my plain laziness. It's been really hard to get back into the momentum of writing again. There's still a pile of clean laundry eagerly waiting to be folded, I have knick knacks strewn all over the dining table and the stove has been untouched. Almost feeling like a useless housewife, I went for my usual Monday dance class last week hoping to release some endorphins.

Both the ballet and Odissi classes clearly did that. Not realising that that night was the Mooncake Festival/ Lantern/ Full Moon night, Ramli was in high spirits as he reminded me that it was an auspicious night. How lucky was I that this lucky night fell on a Monday? I got to dance Pallavan under the stars and my insides got all tingly again. God, I've missed dancing so much.

So I shall continue to ride this lucky wave and start blogging properly!

Last year, hubby and I took a trip to India to attend a very close friend's wedding. Her wedding started the ball rolling! I was fortunate to also celebrate my birthday surrounded by people I hold dear to my heart. This year, I was also lucky and managed to simultaneously celebrate my birthday during our honeymoon.

As I mentioned, the first place we headed to on the very day we arrived was Bordeaux. I've always wanted to visit a vineyard and pluck grapes right off the vines and eat it, learn how wine is made (remember how in black and white movies there are always women stepping on grapes in a huge wooden tub?), bottled, and most importantly drunk! We began our tasting journey with a visit to the Wine Museum. Here were learnt that the people behind the marketing strategy of these Burgundy wines were indeed the Irish.

We learned the history of why this area was called the Port de la Lune (Port of the Moon) and also got to play with different apparatus that help cork a bottle. This visit was indeed useful for the wine tour we had the next day. A lot of the information we read about the day before all came screaming back when our animated guide, Axel, repeated the history of Bordeaux wines, how it's made, how the terroir (soil) makes its taste so unique and what makes a good wine.

We decided to go with the Chateau D'Arsac visit rather than the Sauterrne tour because the Sauterrne tour only had white wine tastings, we were also told that these wines are very sweet. So we went for the next available thing which was the chateau of winemaker, Phillippe Raoux.

I'm so glad we got to go on this tour because it was intimate (max. 6 persons) and we got to see some modern art. Look at how abstract the sculptures are...the house has a crooked iron rod sticking out of it for heaven's sake! Every art piece has a small story to tell, I leave it to you to find out what the stories are by visiting the Chateau for yourself...

As you can tell, the soil that the grapes grow on is rather gravelly, so what happens is that sunlight reflects off the gravel onto the grapes, which gives you smaller but sweeter fruits. The leaves are also pruned by hand so that the grapes can be fully exposed to the sun (different part of france, different climate, different pruning methods as well, different soil, different tasting grapes, different tasting wines). Experienced sommeliers can tell how good the wine will be that year from just tasting the grapes off the vine.

So what happens is that the grapes are plucked off the vines and crushed and de-stemmed to make grape juice, the juice is then filled into these large, open (to let the carbon dioxide out) metal vats and remain here for some time to ferment. It's then transferred to another sealed vat where the yeast and sugar is added and the mixture is given more time to ferment. Only after these steps will the wine be put into toasted oak barrels and allowed to mature into full fledged wine.

Chateau D'Arsac also invites guest sommeliers to come over and create special wines to add to their winemaker's collection. Most of the time, juice from different grapes are added, the percentage of the mixture is determined by the sommelier.

Margaux is one out of 4 estates to be achieve premier cru (1st growth) status in Bordeaux.

Art, art, everywhere!

The tour comes with yummy lunch!

The most interesting thing we did on the tour was a test to determine our "wine sign". We were made to do 6 blind tastings (red & white) and rate how much we like the wine with a remote control. We were also asked about the kind of smells we like and also whether we prefer sweet of savoury food. At the end of the test, our results were tabulated and based on our score we were given our wine sign. Each tasting we did involved looking at the colour and clarity of the wine, determining the alcohol content of the wine, smelling the wine and of course tasting the wine. I ended up with the muscular sign, which meant that I like wines with high alcoholic content and strong after taste.

Amsterdam

I must say that if you ever get a chance to visit Amsterdam, you must do the Heineken experience. Filled with quirky pop art deco and interactive experiences I couldn't help but click away. These poster cards you see us posing in were so fun to do! You pull out different slides with different backgrounds, there were boxes you could stand on and click!

4 simple ingredients make 1 awesome beer.
Water, Barley, Hops & Heineken A Team.

Remember these few things when you are served a Heineken beer:

1) There should be a good head of foam because this keeps your beer cool and delays it from getting flat.

2) If you are served with a clean beer glass, you will see rings of foam around the glass. The number of rings are the number of sips you've taken from your glass.

3) Hold your glass to the light and peek at the layer of foam from the bottom. See those tiny bubbles? That shows you how much fizz the beer has!

Last but not least, don't go to your beer, let the beer come to you. This ensures that you are drinking the beer and not the foam (which is the most bitter part). The longer you have the foam in your beer, the longer your beer stays fresh!

Not to mention these ultra cool seats that show old Heineken ads dating way back to 1945!
Warning! Long wait...

I Heart Heineken!

Champagne

We spent our last few days of our trip in Paris and made a quick dash to Reims. Hubby wanted to go to Epernay, which housed Moet & Chandon but we didn't have enough time. Reims was just as wonderful a place to visit anyway. A little town with many Champagne houses and cafes was such a refreshing change to Paris's subway. Being a Friday, Veuve Cliquot was full so we made our way to Tattinger first. It was a very informative tour and I learned how Champagne was made.

Champagne, used to be known as the Devil's Wine, is made by a combination of 3 types of grapes. I initially thought that only green grapes were used for making champagne but I learned that pinot noir grapes are also used. What gives the wine the colour is in actual fact their skin. On a separate note, Rose wines are white wines mixed with a small percentage of red wine. So the three grapes that are used for Champagne are Chardonnay, Pinot Noir and Pinot Meunier. The percentage of grapes that makes a champagne really depends on the quality of the grapes in that particular harvest. In order not to damage the grapes or stain the grape juice, the grapes are all picked by hand and the grape juice is made at the vineyard itself because travelling with all those grapes is not the best thing to do if you want your juice colourless.

The grape juice is then placed in different vats based on the type of grape and the cru (estate) it comes from. Like the red wine they are left to ferment in the vat and sugar and yeast is only added when they are bottled. The yeast is removed by a process called disgorgement, where the liquid is frozen at the neck of the bottle (that's what the riddling rack is for, so the yeast sediment collects at the neck), the bottle is opened, the ice block containing the yeast sediment pops out from the pressure in the bottle and then the bottle is topped up with more wine and sugar for the final fermentation process. The amount of sugar added will result in brut (dry), sec (sweet), demi sec (moderately sweet), which is displayed on the label.

At Mumm & Co, oak barrels were used before but this was expensive to make and maintain, as it had to cleaned to ensure that no other flavours would taint the purity of champagne, plus the oak flavour from the barrel is not necessary for champagne so they moved onto ceramic vats, tiled on the inside and eventually to steel vats.

These are the tiled ceramic vats, which I sat in just because I could!

These are the steel vats that are used currently. But champagne makers like Krug, still use oak barrels till today.

The Tattinger cellars were beautiful because they used to be used by the monks from the St. Nicaise Church, which has now been destroyed.You'd find random staircases that lead up to nowhere, and statues as well.

Even till today, bottles are riddled by hand because some bottles can't fit into the machines. I was told that an experienced riddler can do over 20,000-30,000 bottles a day!

See the yeast sediment at the bottom of the bottle?

At the end of the Mumm & Co tour, we were given 2 tastings each of the different types of champagne they had. We started off with the normal cordon rouge brut (back in the day, actual red ribbons were tied around the bottles), moved on to a 2002 vintage (Mumm only creates a vintage champagne if the harvest is good that particular year), then a grand cru and ended with the brut rose. I must say, I enjoyed the grand cru the most because of its oaky finish and it was very smooth to drink. Grand cru means that the grapes that were used to make the champagne came from a vineyard renowned for its wine production.

A grand cru bottle has a brown ribbon around it.

As you'd drink a glass of wine, drinking champagne requires the same techniques. See (colour, clarity and of course, bubbles!), smell and drink. I also found out that only Champagne comes from Champagne, so that is an accreditation in itself. There really isn't a bad champagne I was told, it all depends on what tickles your taste buds.

Phew! That was a long post, so there you have it. All the tastings summarised in one post.

To many more posts to come!

Chin, chin!

Teaser...

2011-09-06T00:43:00.000+08:00

Nothing strengthens a relationship more than a trip together. Not a beach getaway to Port Dickson or a weekend away in Singapore. A real trip that is longer than 3 days. A trip that forces you to get to know the person inside and out, through all the ups and all the downs. I have returned from my trip feeling slightly more broken into my shoes of a "wife".

I've been cracking my head on how to blog the entire trip and I've decided to compartmentalise my posts based on things that I found interesting and shared a running theme in all the places we visited.

To start the ball rolling I'd like to share some photographs that best describe the cities we visited. I must admit that the trip was tough. Hubby said that he never walked so much in his entire life and I absolutely agree with him. Between the train lines, train stations, bus stops, rues, boulevards etc we must've easily walked 100 kilometres. The only time we took a cab was yesterday morning because it was pouring in Paris and we needed to get to our Metro station to make our long journey to the airport. But we've come back inspired and stronger as a couple.

As I mentioned in the last post, we landed in Paris (Orly) and hopped onto a train to Bordeaux, then to Lourdes, then to Nice, then to Monaco, then to Amsterdam, then back to Paris, then to Versailles, then to Reims (Champagne), and headed back to KL from Orly. Here's a photographic summary of what we were up to...

Croque Madam - Toasted Ham & Cheese with a Fried Egg

Moules Frites - Mussels & Fries

Miroir D'Eau of Bordeaux

Lourdes

Nice

Rabbit Stew

Me eating Rabbit Stew!

Monaco

Princess Grace Kelly's Tomb

Hmm...

Amsterdam

Sacre Coeur of Paris

Gardens of Versailles

Reims, Champagne

Honeymoon Time!

2011-08-17T22:55:00.000+08:00

Hubby and I will be finally heading for our much awaited honeymoon. We'll be spending it in France - Paris, Bordeaux, Nice, Lourdes and will spend a few nights in Amsterdam before heading home.

I'll be back with many pictures and stories to tell!

Au Revoir...

To Be Perfectly Honest...

2011-08-16T21:23:00.000+08:00

It has been some time since I felt inspired to write. When I first started this blog, I guess you could say I had a lot of pent up frustration in me. I'm a person who hates confrontation. To be perfectly honest, I don't know how to deal with bad situations. When things take a wrong turn, I freeze and try to remain perfectly still so no one will notice and when no one's watching, I bail.

Most of the time, it's because when I get angry, I don't know how to say what I am actually feeling. Anger makes my heart swell and I consciously feel my heart beating a little faster. Tears well up in my eyes and struggling to stop myself from crying I swallow my words. I sweep away the dirt underneath a rug.

I don't know if you react the same way I do towards anger. But I've been wondering if I will ever just say what I feel at that very moment. I don't know why I find it so difficult to string a sentence when words just seem to flow when I am typing on a laptop. This Generation Y thing is kinda true huh?

So yes, I feel like it's my responsibility to get a few things off my chest so that the burden on my shoulders can lighten ever so slightly and settle some inner demons.

Here it goes...

To be honest with you, I really am happier now. I feel more secure emotionally and financially. I feel like I have married a man who compliments me intellectually and makes me laugh more than I cry. I know that I may seem young and like I've made a rash decision and you may feel like I'm throwing my life away, but I'm not. A decision is ultimately a decision and ever day into my marriage I am further assured that I have made the right one.

To be honest with you, if you marry the right person he will make you look better than you ever have before because beauty radiates from within. Who wants a slender figure who doesn't radiate with an ethereal glow when she smiles? Isn't a smile the most beautiful thing? It describes happiness in its rawest and most sincere words can never to justice to. I hate it when people say that married woman lose it once they get married! Look at your wife, isn't she even more beautiful that the day you married her?

To be honest with you, you did hurt me. When I left I felt an excruciating void inside of me terrified of what the world had in store for me. I also felt a huge chunk of my self-esteem was missing, which took a couple of years to reconstruct. I guess we have all experienced this in some way or another but the important thing is that we learn from it and not allow the next person to treat you thing way. Learn from your mistakes. No one judges you if you're learning how to deal with a situation, they start judging you when you make the same mistake again.

To be honest with you, I am terrified. I don't know what is in store for me. I don't know what my next dance piece will be like, I don't know what music I should use. I don't know if you will even like it. What if after all this time people look forward to something that just turns out to be mediocre and shallow? Will people say that I've lost it? Will people say that I never ever had it to begin with? Will people say...hmm...she's not that smart of a dancer after all. That terrifies me. I'm an over-achiever and now the dive to the pool looks crazy far from here and I'm not sure if I have the guts to jump...

Health and Beauty August 2011

2011-08-14T18:16:00.000+08:00

Look who's on the cover of this month's issue of Health and Beauty.

“People think I’m old because I’ve been around for so long” the beaming newly-wed says as her lips partto form a cheeky grin. To which I reply with a loud scoff, because I am older than her and admittedly, have two-left feet. While most teenage girls may have been spending hours chatting on the net or ogling at boys, the then 15 year-old January Low was busy preparing for her most memorable performance yet – the lead role of Eve, in Sutra Dance Theatre’s production of Garden of Earthly Desires. From her portrayal as the winning bird in a cockfight in Hermann Hesse’s Siddhartha and her award-winning Bharata Natyam solo performance Profound Grace, to her recent poignant contemporary piece Shades of Love with singer-songwriter Reza Salleh, January Low is a connoisseur of her craft. She is one of the nation’s most prolific Indian classical dancers, yet this disciple of Ramli Ibrahim is just starting to find dance steps she can call her own.

Grab a copy of this month's issue H & B to read the complete interview...

Text by Kerry-Ann Augustin

Photography by Andrew O, Absolute Art Studio

Wardrobe: Berrybow

8TV Ramadhan Ad Controversy...

2011-08-05T20:44:00.000+08:00

For those of you who haven't seen or heard about the controversial 8TV Ramadhan Ad. I leave it to you to decide whether it was distasteful...

Try This!

2011-08-04T17:24:00.000+08:00

1. Copy the following IC Number 380424715016

2. Go to the NRD site and key in this number to check.http://www.jpn.gov.my/semakic/index.php

3. Then go to the EC website and key in the SAME IC number.http://daftarj.spr.gov.my/NEWDAFTARJ/

TRY IT!

This is the state of our current ELECTORAL ROLL.

HIDUP BERSIH!

The Ashta Nayika...

2011-08-04T10:24:00.000+08:00

Here's a personal version of the Odissi Classical Piece, the Ashta Nayika or 8 Heroines. The 8 different stereotypical moods of women (according to the Natya Sastra), when she is in, out and looking for love. I think a little part of all of us can relate to at least 5 of these women. The Chase, The Preparation, The Wait, The Loss, we've all experienced this in our own little ways.

In my dance, I start off with a woman who is sleeping. She is unsettled, tossing and turning. She is awakened by the magical notes of a familiar flute and she hurries out of bed, throws on one of her better saris and heads of the door. Sighing relief, she steps into the forest at dawn. She narrowly escapes snakes, pierces her delicate foot with a thorn and gets her veil caught in a branch. Nothing shakes her, she's adamant that she will find her love amidst the branches and leaves, she just needs to follow the flute...Abhisarika

Walking into their tryst she begins her preparations. Weaving garlands of jasmine, arranging flower petals on the love mat, splashing intoxicating rose-scented water on the mat as if casting a spell of love and passion and of course splashing some on herself. She adorns herself with her finest jewellery and grows tired from the house-keeping, she falls asleep waiting...Vasasajika

Startled by darkness approaching, she wakes up. He's still not here yet. The chirping of the evening crickets and croaking of the frogs sound terrifying. She loses control and starts to shiver. The black of night feels like the cloak of the angel of death. As it envelopes her she can't breathe, she suffocates, she chokes...Virahotkantita

She comes to to the stench of rotting flowers. The aftermath of his absence. She moves slowly, like a somnambulist and picks up each petal one by one and is reminded of his lips. Her eyes are smudged from crying, her tear drops wash away the rose-scented water as she rolls up the matt and puts it back in its hiding place. She looks at the tidied tryst one more time before heading home...Vipralabda

She wakes up at the first ray of sunshine and confides in a fluffy white cloud. "O white cloud, I wish I was more like you. You are light as a feather and float in the direction of the wind. Please tell the one across the seas that I grow weary as each day passes, I have no mood to either eat or drink. What is it dear cloud? You say that you saw him in the arms of another woman? Oh cloud, how could this be?...Proshitapriya

Go away Dark Lord. Don't plead your cheating lies with me. The love bites and scratch marks tell me that you have been dallying with the full-mooned face, with lips as red as roses. Be gone Cowherd Lord, and don't plead your cheating lies with me...Kandita

As she notices the footsteps grow fainter she realises that she has made a terrible mistake. "Oh why have I lost myself in that anger? How do I tell him that I don't want him to go away? That the pain in my heart without him is unbearable." Anger dwells in the bosom of fools...Kalahantarita

Just as she loses all hope, she is once filled with the notes of his flute. She brims with joy and dances the Rasleela. He applies sandalwood to cool the fever of her burning body and she begs him to look away as she fixes her robes. She is finally reunited with him and there is nothing more in the world that she wants...Swadheenabatrika

My Magical Potion Bottle!

2011-08-03T16:42:00.000+08:00

I love fairy tales! They take me on magic carpet rides, princesses with golden voices, crazy talking animals and mischievous princes...Sigh...they take me to a land far, far away and I feel all young and special inside. Because for 90 minutes I have become a part of their world.

I know the lyrics to every song to every Disney cartoon movie. I know what Ursula and Gaston are about to say. I am not silly! I love unicorns and rainbows and the gleam in all the heroines eyes. EEK! *GUSH*

During my trip to Universal Studios, I spotted many kids with these water bottles in the shape of a magic potion bottle and I instantly wished I had one! I grinned like a 5-year old as I thought of it hung across my neck, sipping it's magic juice from it's bright red straw...yum...what colour should my potion be? Cherry red? Ocean blue? Slimy green? Choices, choices...

I settled for the urine coloured potion because I didn't fancy weird other flavours so I opted for something conservative like Apple Juice. So I ended up with a bottle that appeared to have been peed in. Hah!

After all the apple juice, I ended up having to rush to the loo and nauseated from the sugar, preservatives and colouring. But I am filled with so much happiness every time I glace at my magical potion bottle, waiting to be filled with another exotic potion, sitting on my kitchen table. Perhaps my next cocktail will not resemble any sort of bodily fluid!

Our First Theme Park Experience!

2011-08-02T18:21:00.000+08:00

I must admit that I have been to Singapore many, many times and I have never enjoyed it. It's funny how one trip can change my entire perception of the clean city. It could be because I am in an incredible place in my life where things are stable and my feet are planted firmly on the ground. My head is secured tightly on my shoulders and I feel like I am finally growing into the coat that the man upstairs has stitched for me.

I spent most of my time alone in a beautiful hotel room complete with terrace, jacuzzi, breathtaking views and automatic blinds that raise by itself every time you walk into the room. We were of course booked for a standard room but hubby told the hotel staff that he wanted his wife to enjoy the room because he'll be in meetings all day. Sigh...yes, my McDreamy. The accommodating staff granted us this request and started for me one of my most memorable trips.

We enjoyed for the first time a wonderful room-service dinner and basked in each other's company. Time alone has been a rare opportunity since we became husband and wife. His days and nights were taken up by work so I enjoyed time with myself, caught up on my blogging and just relaxed...

For the weekend, I got us tickets to Universal Studios and we had a great time! We only got on the 11.30am shuttle to the theme park and had to meet up with a friend in the evening, which didn't give us much time at all! We contemplated getting the Express Day-Pass, which by-passes lines to all first time rides and shows. Another $48 per person seemed quite painful so we opted for the standard $72 day-pass.

Universal Studios is divided into different worlds: Madagascar, Far Far Away, The Lost World, Ancient Egypt, Sci-Fi City and New York. I enjoyed my day so-so much! The Cylon roller coaster was awesome! I would've gone on another round if it wasn't too late...

Shrek's 4D movie was really cool and the Waterworld show was one of the best shows I've seen in a theme park. Just remember to wear a raincoat, slippers and SIT IN THE SOAK ZONE! Ancient Egypt's indoor roller coaster was thrilling. The only regret I had was that we didn't get the Express Pass because we could have enjoyed more of the outdoors than spend most of our time waiting in lines (even for a taxi back)...

New York

Sci-Fi City

I found defibrillators everywhere!

Madagascar

Remember this tree from Madagascar?

I must confess that halfway through our day, we had to rush from ride to ride and show to show and I forgot to take more pictures...so if you want to see more of Universal Studios grab a free weekend and go visit our neighbours in Singapore!

Penangism!

2011-07-29T09:11:00.000+08:00

Remember how I went on a road trip with my mom and a few of her friends to catch the Akram Khan Company? Here are some pictures I took of the beautiful island. On the way to Penang, we stopped in Bidor for their famous Duck Noodles and stayed at the beautiful Muntri Mews.

There was so much beauty to capture all over the place so naturally I was deeply gutted when I realised that I forgot to bring my camera. Luckily mom brought hers so I managed to snap away. I've probably visited the island not more than 7 times throughout my entire life and it was only during this trip I managed to really appreciate everything around me. The food was yummy, the people pleasant and the architecture amazing. All my pictures we literally taken while I walked around the island.

So here you go, enjoy Penang through my eyes...

Bidor Duck Noodles (Ngap Twooi Meen)

Muntri Mews

77, Muntri Street

+604 263 5125

Penang's Famous Cendui

Chowrasta Market for their famous preserved Buah Pala (nutmeg).

Medicated oil believed to magically buang angin (remove wind or gas). I was told that Ban Leng translates literally to Like Magic. My grandmother used to apply this oil using cotton wool onto my belly button as a baby to prevent colic or tummy aches due to gas in my belly. I still dab minyak cap kapak on my belly whenever my tummy aches to this day. Did your grandmother do this for you as a baby?

Antique shops galore!

They even sell old wedding polaroid and passport photographs!

The 'Malaysian' piggy bank. These banks don't have holes in them so the only way you can count your money once it's full is by smashing it! Very nice art deco pieces no? Only RM 4!

No Penang trip is complete without Line Clear's Nasi Kandar. Funnily, there was no line when we went there for dinner...

The Blue Mansion guided tour is a must-do! Learn about Chinese motifs, superstitions and the Hokkien phrase, "Marry Young Man Become Young Man's Slave, Marry Old Man Become Old Man's Darling."

More yummies, local kopi-O (coffee without milk), char kuey teow and lor bak!

Check out the floor tiles from different houses I passed by on the street...so retro-riffic!

Architectural Haven

You even find art installations all over the place! Amsterdam what? Just visit Penang lah...

Fun Fact: The first step or two of a staircase is usually made of cement to prevent termites from attacking the wood. Smart huh?

Loved their street names...

Visited Alpha Utara Gallery and they put up a wall in conjunction with Bersih 2.0. They provided different coloured papers and allowed people to leave messages on the board.

My Wish List

2011-07-28T11:39:00.001+08:00

A recent work trip down south to Singapore for Hubby has turned into a mini-holiday for me. We'll then spend Saturday at Universal Studios and head back the next day. Since our accommodation will be covered from Wednesday to Friday, I've been given the task of looking for a place to stay on Saturday night.

One thing I really do not look forward to is looking for accommodation online. I never seem to find places reasonable enough or worth their rate. Almost suffering from Goldilocks syndrome, I've never found anything "Just right."

Surely, if I am earning in Singaporean Dollars the rates really don't seem bad at all, but multiplying the rate by 2.5 brings about a very large amount. Considering I won't be spending much time in the room I really don't see the logic in paying so much money for a place to sleep. Of course, I am only feeling this way because I only need a place for about 10 hours...

So my Google frenzy started around noon and ended about 6 hours later during which I came across some very, very cool places to stay. To date I have never whined "Mmm...I really wanna stay there!" but that was all I seemed to repeat. No kidding! Ask my mom...

So for the some of you that dislike Googling "places to stay in Singapore" here are some awesome places to stay. The rooms aren't too expensive if you want a quick getaway or find yourself in Singapore for a night. This list is also a wish-list of places I'd definitely like to try out the next time I visit Singapore.

1) Hotel Re
175A, Chin Swee Road, Singapore
Pearl's Hill
+65 6827 8288

2) Wanderlust
2, Dickson Road, Singapore
+65 6396 3322

3) Naumi
41, Seah Street, Singapore
+65 6403 6000

Smiling...

2011-07-26T09:06:00.000+08:00

Smiling.

I think that there is nothing more beautiful than a smile. It's contagious, it's infectious and it fills you up with a strange fuzzy feeling right where your heart is.

I went to Bangar's Pasar Malam (night-market) last night and bought some apam balik (Malaysian pancake) from a Mak Cik and her little daughter. When the little girl handed me my change, she smiled the sweetest smile I've seen and I immediately smiled back a huge smile with the effort of matching hers.

An immediate thought struck me, "That little girl gave me one of the most pleasant experiences and I would make an effort to head back the following week and buy more apam balik from her!" Nowadays, I've noticed that smiles are one of the rarest things you can find in Malaysia. Bank tellers, post-office staff and even airport staff seem to greet me with a grunt and if I'm lucky, a nod.

I know our tagline is not 'The Land of Smiles' but I've met many people who say that the one thing about Malaysia is that everyone smiles beautiful, big smiles. But I really beg to differ.

I have lost my appetite on countless occasions only because I've ordered from someone who makes me feel like I have inconvenienced them. They ignore me while I stand at the counter and continue their conversation with their colleagues, they roll their eyes and 'tsk' if I change my mind, they plonk my food on the counter and as if shoo-ing me away attend to the next customer.

A smile adds to the experience of enjoying your food and even your day. Imagine a day filled with friendly girls at the toll-booth, continuing with a chuckle from an old uncle serving you a plate of char kuey teow and ending with a driver on the road giving you the right of way with a huge grin on his face...

A warm smile conveys something a million words can't say. It says, "Hello, there! Thank you so much for your business and I hope you enjoy my mommy's yummy apam balik." It says, "Good afternoon young lady, how may I assist you this fine afternoon? Don't worry, I'm here to help you facilitate your request so ask me anything you want!"

After Bangar, we popped over to SS2 to buy some durian for my mother-in-law who seemed to have a craving for our national fruit. We bought the fruit from a shop who also had very pleasant staff. The lady helped us out by wrapping our entire tupperware so that we wouldn't have to suffer from the stench in the car. The boy who we enquired the price of the durian also told us the price without the usual "stop wasting my time, if you ask you better buy" tone.

I've recently come back from a quick trip to Penang and I was amazed at the friendliness of the people there. Everywhere I went, I was greeted with toothless smiles and friendly gazes. Not once did I receive the usual grumpy greeting I'm so used to.

Maybe some of us don't even notice that we don't smile. Maybe some of us feel that smiling is only reserve for people that we know and are close to. Maybe some of us don't feel like we deserve to smile.

So why don't you try this...try smiling at yourself in the mirror while your brushing your teeth. Do you like what you see? Once the action of smiling becomes natural to you try using that smile whenever you meet someone. Perhaps you will inspire the person you meet to smile and hopefully that smile is passed on to someone else.

With so much sadness going on in the world right now, maybe we can take on the responsibility to make things better by injecting a little smile in our lives.

Tiger Moms

2011-07-25T12:37:00.000+08:00

After reading the Sunday Star's article about the world's recent phenomenon, 'Tiger Wives', I thought it'd be rather apt to share with you June Tan's short movies describing what I feel are 'Tiger Moms'.

Enjoy...

The Akram Khan Company

2011-07-22T19:26:00.002+08:00

Sigh.

That's all I could muster after 70 mins of mind blowing awesomeness. I'm not kidding when I say I burst into tears every time a haunting image of the dancers from the Akram Khan Company formed in my head. Pieces of humble pie stuck in my throat, I found it hard to breathe.

Yes. They were that awesome.

To be perfectly honest with you, I was very disappointed when I found out that Akram himself was not performing and even more gutted when he was not even there for the show. I believe he is busy with another production in France but I did not miss Mr Khan last night because he was there in the form of excellence by his company. The show that I watched has been etched in my brain, heart and soul with indelible ink.

If you ask me what was so great about the show, I'd find it almost impossible for me to describe. It was something you had to experience live. Of course, I could tell you that the costume, movements and lighting reminded me of Pina Bausch's Le Sacre Du Printemps (Rite of Spring). The muted colours of their costume and lighting, the simple, deliberate movements depicting anguish and pain almost verging on excruciating agony seemed to hit me hard.

This to me, is what you call contemporary dance. Pure non-self-indulgent dance, simple yet effective movements that was abstract enough for everyone to interpret on their own. Simple yet stunning enough for you to just sit back and enjoy the aesthetics.

I saw images of a man slumped over a large rock left to bleed to death, I saw dictators using people like puppets dangling on a string, I saw a nation trying to stand up and fight for their rights. I saw so many current issues, that were represented by basic formations and workshop exercises I've participated in countless times. Classic example of Less Is More. Something a lot of us should chant in the mirror every morning while we brush our teeth.

The piece was tight. No one danced without reason, everything tap of the translucent membrane-like plastic sheet that stood alone on the bare stage was created a different shape, every leap and caress so convincing that I sat unmoving on the edge of my seat for the entire 70 minutes. I did not breathe and it took a great deal of restraint to sit still. Not because I was restless, because as a dancer, my body seemed to resonate with the music and the energy emanating from the stage to my core.

The music, composed by Nitin Sawhney complemented the dance from start to end. It added just the right amount to the atmosphere and climaxed and dipped where it needed to.

I know it sounds like I'm hard-selling this show but knowing that this show was declined from being staged in Kuala Lumpur Performing Arts Centre and Istana Budaya equally shames and infuriates me immensely. What sort of programme director doesn't make space for something with the name Akram Khan in front of it?

Sigh.

After the performance I slumped in my seat feeling utterly defeated. Honestly, I wanted to give up. How can I continue dancing knowing that I am so far away from 'that'? I was in tears and I felt very, very sad.

I know that I am in control of my destiny. I know that you can't dream of winning the lottery without buying a ticket. I know, I know, I know...

But I need to be convinced that the next thing I do will blow my audience away. It's hard though, when you've been performing for over 15 years. Right now, I still don't feel like I have something with that sort of depth and power. I know it's there somewhere within me...

Sigh.

I died from minerality and became vegetable;

And from vegetativeness I died and became animal.

I died from animality and became man.

Then why fear disappearance through death?

Next time I shall die Bringing forth wings and feathers like angels;

After that, soaring higher than angels -

What you cannot imagine,

I shall be that.

Rumi

I'm Off To Penang...

2011-07-19T09:57:00.000+08:00

I'm just heading out the door for a 2-day trip with my mum to Penang to watch the brilliant Akram Khan.

I'll be back, inspired!

Absent Voters

2011-07-15T17:00:00.001+08:00

For those of you who aren't residing in Malaysia but would still like to become a registered voter, here's how you can do it!

1) Head over to the Malaysian High Commission, Embassy or consulate office in person.

2) Show them your MyKad, state your current address in your country of residence, occupation and the serial number from Form A.

3) Check your particulars and sign!

After which, you can check your status on http://daftarj.spr.gov.my/NEWDAFTARJ/

Easy, peasy, lemon squeezy...

Guinness Beef Stew

2011-07-15T13:00:00.003+08:00

I think I can vouch for everyone by saying that if you heard about a dish made out of Guinness, you would absolutely have to try it. This recipe was taken from Jamie Oliver's Steak & Cheese Pie but I have omitted the pie part because it's just plain messy. I mean it's simple enough but if my recipes look too complicated, chances are you won't try it at home. So I say let's forget about the puff pastry and eat the stew with some french loaf. Are you with me?

So here's what you need:

30g butter and 2 beef stock cubes

Ungelleke Nallade 500ml Guinness Can

2 tbs peas and 200g of cheese

3 medium sized onions & 3 cloves of garlic

2 carrots & 2 sticks of celery

Some mushrooms, chopped as shown

1kg cubed beef (for stew) and some rosemary leaves (fresh/dried)

Method:

PREHEAT OVEN TO 190 Degrees Celsius

Using a deep ovenproof dish, heat up some olive oil and fry the onions on low heat. After about 10 minutes, add in the butter, garlic, rosemary (1 sprig), carrots, celery and the mushrooms.

Mix everything together and add in the beef, a pinch of salt and a tbs of black pepper.

Instant beef stock. Just add water and stir.

After 3 mins pour in the entire can of guinness and the beef stock. Add in 1 tbs of plain flour (this is to thicken the stew) and stir. Cover with lid and pop into the over for 90 mins. Remove the stew from oven and stir in the cheese. Ding! Ding! Your stew is done...enjoy with buttered rolls, a fresh green salad and a nice glass of red.

Sorry about the photo, I kind of forgot to take a photo when the stew was served and before I knew it everything was wiped clean. So I just made the coloured photo above black and white!

Try out the stew, it's easy and very very yummy...let me know how it turns out!

Good luck...

I Am Not The Silent Majority!

2011-07-13T15:11:00.000+08:00

For the first time in my life I am proud to say that I am Malaysian. Reading about stories and experiences from the recent Bersih 2.0 rally held last Saturday, I am filled to the brim with a sense of patriotism and warmth wells in my heart.

I deeply take offense to being put into the "Silent" category. I am ashamed to say that I was not part of the brave group of individuals that was present on the 9th of July but it does not mean that I do not have a Bersih experience.

By the time the sun set on the night before the event I felt edgy. I wanted to get home as soon as possible, so that I would feel safe. I think deep down inside, everyone did. The sun rose on the 9th and the day felt very, eerily quiet. There were very few cars on the road. On my way to buy some lunch, I noticed a line of cars on the opposite side of the road heading into the city, a police road block. Cars and motorcycles were pulled aside and questioned. I saw a white canopy in a residential area and ironically saw the Pegantin Baru regally clad in "Yellow". I smirked.

I stayed home that fateful day but my mother, hubby and I were silent until the rally was officially over. All our laptops were directed towards the centre of town. I was streaming the video live on my computer, while mummy and hubby were reading the latest updates.

I remember hearing a lot of commotion, I remember shuddering at the monstrous red FRU trucks, the people looked so tiny compared to them. I remember the white gas fumes hazing the atmosphere adding to the ethereal setting. I prayed in my heart that no one will get hurt.

Way into the wee hours of the morning, I read articles upon articles recollecting the event. I was amazed at the number of people that showed up. I was amazed at the courage all my brave brothers and sisters displayed by pushing through the current and managed to stand as one and be heard and known for our unity as a country.

I was disgusted to hear that our Government, the one we elected for, was not proud of us. Instead, they made us look and feel like uncontrollable animals by shooting tear gas canisters at us. They instructed the police force to be merciless and arrest everyone, including women and children. They were so focused on arresting people that not a single one of them brought a pair of scissors to let someone free. They were ordered to capture us. They were ordered by one of our own. One who we have elected to represent us.

This mere thought breaks my heart. My body slumps lower as I sigh, painfully. What leader of a country attacks his own people? A leader who surely doesn't love, respect or care about us. A leader,who wouldn't mind dirtying his hands with warm, human blood.

I found it macabre to read interviews and statements by our ministers, only to have it followed by a video proving otherwise. I found it exhilarating to hear of friends who were part of the courage crowd of 20,000. I was proud to call them my friends.

I am appalled that our leaders still say that the Bersih rally was not a success. Are they saying that they are going to rig the electoral process anyway? I find it hilarious that they are threatening us by saying that they can have a bigger turnout. Is this a competition? I find it unbelievable that they are mocking an individual who was hit in the face by a tear gas canister. Are you 12?

If you ask me, if they continue in this denial, I would not feel sorry for them when they are thrown out and cast aside to rot. If they don't care about us it doesn't really matter because I know that 20,000 people do. They took on the responsibility to walk for us. The 'silent' majority. But they have made it so cool that I don't want to be ever considered as 'silent' ever again. I want to make MY Malaysia mine. I want to take ownership of my motherland and say Yes, I am a Malaysian. I don't want people to wonder what type of Indian my grandfather was. I want to celebrate Hari Raya, Chinese New Year and Deepavali with all my loved ones. I want people to watch me dance because they think I am a good dancer, not because I am Chinese. I want my brothers and sisters to say, "That's my Malaysian sister."

I want to tell all my Bersih brothers and sisters that I promise to stand with you and walk towards our freedom. I will be there at Bersih 3.0 with a bottle of salt water in hand, ready to hold your hand and protect our home.

Why didn't Ambiga hand memo to Agong when they met? Well, why didn't we just tweet the demands to the Agong? Why didn't Najib send a youtube of himself instead of calling for meetings? Why didn't Kate and William save all that money and just update their facebook status to "married"? Because there is symbolic power in our presence. Because the demands are not from Ambiga. They are from the people. We had to be there. - Pang Khee Teik

I think the people just needed to know that they were not alone. - Foo Chi Wei

I was a little hesitant that the rally would become politically skewed by the presence of the opposition party but I am so glad that it didn't. I am so proud that the crowd remained peaceful and get a feeling of love and compassion when I hear about how everyone helped everyone. - Reza Salleh

I don't want to be considered a part of the silent majority. I refuse to be silent from now on. - January Low

How To Become A Registered Voter In 3 Easy Steps...

2011-07-12T16:06:00.001+08:00

EVERY VOTE MAKES A DIFFERENCE!

Today, I officially became a registered voter. I did not know that it was this simple.

Step 1

Go to ANY post office and get a number.

Step 2

Present them with your MyKad and they will fill in your details. You just need to stand there and smile.

Step 3

Check if your details are correct and sign. Go to www.spr.gov.my to see if your information has been processed.

Voila! You can now make a difference and kick those no good scum bags out of parliament!

PS It takes 4 - 6 months to process your information so hurry to your nearest post office and get registered!

Good luck!

Isn't This A Form of Terrorism As Well?

2011-07-07T15:54:00.000+08:00

Last night, I lay on my bed wide awake. I couldn't sleep, yet again. I started counting numbers as I always did, starting at 1 and ending with me in deep slumber. No matter how slow I counted, I could not fall asleep.

I hate not being able to fall asleep because my mind starts to wander and my train of thought really travels an infinite railroad, with no STOP sign in sight. And the further my mind goes, the harder it is for me to fall asleep. An irritating, never-ending cycle.

So last night, while I was tossing and turning in bed, I started thinking about friends and friends of friends who have found themselves in danger of late. A friend of mine recently got mugged in Pattaya, Thailand. Another friend of a friend's house got broken into, the family were tied up and robbed. Thankfully, no one was hurt. I've also heard of many horror stories that involved car windows being smashed at a red light.

What is this country coming to? How is the danger level increasing right under our noses? Was this side of Malaysia hidden away from me as a child? Or has the country gotten worse?

We are currently in the midst of looking into moving into a landed property, garden and all but how safe would that be? What if one night I get out of the car to open the gate and am attacked by a group of men hiding in the drive-way of my house? Heaven forbid that I have a child or two with me? How would I be able to defend them from these attackers?

Would it be safer to stay in a condominium? But I could also be attacked in the lift, car park or hallway leading to my unit.

What kind of life would my children lead? How can I protect them from so many things? Just the other day, I was in KLCC and followed by an African man. He tried to speak to me twice but I ignored him and walked away. He followed me through the entire store and I just stopped and looked him in the eye. Within two seconds, he bolted out the door. I had no idea what he wanted but he inflicted so much fear in me for the next couple of days.

How can I later on allow any of my daughters (if I had any) out in public places like these with their friends? Would they know what to do in a situation like that? What if they decided to help him? Let alone follow him to a quieter area of the mall?

Gosh, the possibilities. How did I become so terrified? I have not experienced anything as scary as what you read in the papers but I know that danger like this not only exists in this country but is RAMPANT.

Who started inflicting this terror in our minds? Does it really take a plane to crash into the World Trade Center for us to notice that our country is also full of terrorists?

Why is it that when I drive next to a Police car I feel even more nervous? Why don't I feel safe? Isn't it their jobs and responsibility to ensure that Malaysian citizens nothing by safety?

Sigh...I don't know. Feeling utter helplessness, I drift off to sleep out of sheer desperation.

My Banana and Peach Crumble

2011-07-06T14:32:00.001+08:00

One of the first desserts I tried out was a simple peach crumble. Only because I had a can of peaches in my cupboard and all the ingredients to make the crumble. The crumble was a huge success and is one of my signature desserts.

After a couple of tries, I started improvising with bananas and raisins (soaked in rum or gin). The result, always a roaring success. Here is my recipe, try it out and I hope it becomes your favourite dessert too.

These are the ingredients you will need. If you have weetbix at home, throw a couple of bars in as well.

Crack open your can of peaches and arrange them as you please on a baking dish. Slice up some bananas (if you want) and sprinkle them on top. You may use almost any fruit to make a crumble. Normally, people use apple but I'm not a huge fan of apples. Plus, you need to cook the apples first...too much work! ;)

A cup of plain flour.

3/4 cup of oats.

1/4 cup of brown sugar. (we don't like crumble that is too sweet)

Add in a bit of butter, nutmeg (1/2 tsp), cinnamon powder (1/2 tsp), a pinch of salt and mush everything up with your hands. You should get a crumbly mixture as a result. If it's still too fine, add more butter, if its too mushy, add more flour.

Cover the entire fruit portion with the crumble and place aside. What I do is only pop the crumble in the oven, once guests start eating their dinner. This way, the crumble is nice and warm by the time dessert is served. Bake this at 180 degrees for 30 - 40 minutes, the top should be brown as shown above.

Serve your crumble with vanilla ice cream or cream. Yum yum...a perfect way to end a meal!

My Lasagna

2011-07-06T13:30:00.000+08:00

NOTE: The preparatory for this recipe may be long and tedious but I guarantee that it will be completely worth it! Also I strongly recommend you to make the sauce the night before because the sauce will be wetter and better to soak the Lasagna sheets.

I'd like to share with you a personal recipe that I've concocted by combining my mom's bolognaise recipe and Jamie Oliver's lasagna recipe. I'm sure many of you enjoy eating lasagna but wouldn't it be great to be able to make a lasagna you can proudly take ownership of?

I assure you that you cannot go wrong if you follow this recipe step by step. And remember to make sure that your lasagna sheets are soaked in your bolognaise sauce. If it isn't soaked you will end up with crunchy bits in your lasagna.

So let's begin...in order to make lasagna, you will need two types of sauces: red sauce & white sauce. The red sauce is your usual bolognaise sauce and your white sauce is your bechamel sauce. Let's learn how to make the red sauce first...

RED SAUCE
What you need:

About 2-3 carrots. Dice them like so...

A big onion and a small one and some garlic. The more onions you use, the sweeter the sauce will be. The more garlic you use, the tastier the meat becomes. In this red sauce I used 500g of minced mutton because I think it is more fragrant. You can also use beef or pork or veal. I highly recommend red meat because it works well with red wine.

A bay leaf and some italian seasoning.

2 cans of whole peeled tomatoes. A friend asked me if you could use fresh tomatoes instead but I don't know how much it would affect the taste. I always recommend people to experiment. Also get a bottle of cheap red wine to cook with.

I'm sharing with you how my daddy taught me to dice onions. Slice your onions horizontally then vertically. Don't slice all the way through or the onion will fall apart. Then dice as shown above. My buddy Ali told me that if you place a glass of water where you're chopping you won't cry Onion Tears.

Dump in your diced onions and garlic in a deep sauce pan and saute in olive oil for a few minutes till it becomes fragrant. Throw in a bay leaf or two as well so the taste can infuse into the oil.

Add in your minced meat and fry along with your onions. Once they turn brown like this, throw in your carrots and pour in the wine. You may use as much as you like.

Allow the wine to fully absorb into the meat. Once your meat appears dry, add in the 2 cans of tomatoes. Season with Italian Seasoning and let the sauce simmer for 30 minutes. Add in some salt and black pepper to taste.

WHITE SAUCE

What you need:

Pour in some (300ml) cooking cream into a mixing bowl. Roughly chop a tin of anchovies and dump it into the cream. Add some black pepper and stir. That's it!

LASAGNA ASSEMBLING

What you need:

First and foremost, preheat your oven to 180 degrees Celcius!

My mom taught me a non-messy way of greasing a baking bowl. Pour in the olive oil (or butter) and use a kitchen towel to spread the grease all over the bowl.

Start off the first layer with the lasagna sheets. Break the sheets to make sure the entire base is covered by the sheets. Apply a generous amount of red sauce all over the lasagna sheets (MAKE SURE IT'S FULLY COVERED OR YOUR LASAGNA WILL END UP UNCOOKED AND CRUNCHY!)

Pour over some white sauce and sprinkle some mozarella cheese. Continue layering and finish the final layer with lasagna sheets and your remaining white sauce. Again, make sure all the sheets are soaked. Cover the entire area with mozarella cheese and let it stand for a bit (so the juices can seep through).

Once your crown arrives, put your lasagna in the oven and bake from 20 minutes. Once the top is nice and brown (like below) remove from the oven. Slice in even squares and serve immediately. Goes very well with a green salad.

There you go...the best lasagna is eaten at home, made with your very own hands!

2011-07-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

Our wedding video is ready. The final chapter of our wedding is all over now. Thank you from the bottom of hearts for sharing this day with us. It wouldn't have been the same without you.

The Sivas

PMS Flag Hoisted!

2011-07-05T00:03:00.000+08:00

I really don't know what has brought upon this sudden urge to express my dislikes and pet peeves. Perhaps a sign of PMS? Anyways, it's my blog and I get to say what I like. And hopefully, some of you who are going through the same thing as me will not feel alone anymore and I could make someone else's day...I only hope.

So yes, have you ever noticed that there are different types of girls? Many guys just think that the female species is all made up into one stereotypical race, but I am sorry to say that you are wrong. I have come across many types of women from all walks of life, and man, sometimes women can be scary.

I'm sure these women all have a deep dark psychological explanation for the way they behave, but what amazes me if that they don't even know they are behaving the way they do.

One of the most annoying types of girls (to me) is the drop dead gorgeous girl who pretends to be insecure about her looks but actually knows it and pretends to be the nice girl next door but is in actual fact a bitch. These are the girls who always say, "I don't know why girls don't like me. I'm such a nice person..." *Rolls Eyes* There is a reason why girls don't like you.

Oh man, I know so many of these girls and nope, they are not my friends. It was a conscious effort.

There are also girls, who don't understand what the word limit means. These girls, make the worst ex-girlfriends. These are the girls who have broken up with their boyfriends years ago and yet keep them in mind as a plan C, D or E. These girls knowing that their exes have well moved along, still try to wedge their way into their exes lives knowing that the memory of them will soon fade away.

These girls need to know that they are fighting a losing battle. They were once important in their exes life, key word being ONCE. People who aren't important enough, always get phased out of someone else's lives. They just need to realise it.

Another type of girl is the alpha-female. Within this type of women are two sub-categories, those that earn respect and those that demand respect. First things first, you don't always have to be number one. It's great that you are ambitious and independent, you'd make Beyonce proud, but don't emasculate men la. I'm all for Women's Liberation and Feminism, but you don't always have to be better than the guys. Let them feel macho once in a while.

Everyone always knows who wears the pants in the relationship, you don't need to flaunt it.

Another girl is the best friend or claims to be. When you are a guy and your best friend is a girl, watch out. The same goes if the situation was reversed. No heterosexual couple can remain mutual forever. This so-called "best friend" will sabotage all your relationships until you realise that he/she is the only one there for you. *WARNING* *WARNING* These friendships will never last because one of you always lusts.

Now, now, not all girls are bad. I'd say girls that have loads of male friends as well probably show that they are pretty cool because they can be one of the guys. Girls who don't mind getting wet in the rain, eating at the road-side and travelling on weird rough back-packing trips.

These girls, I would say, are your cool girls. They don't wear make-up everyday, they leave the house while their hair is still wet, and don't mind wearing slippers to the supermarket. These girls, I can be friends with.

Girls who can hold their drinks, are girls I can get along with. I absolutely detest taking care of emo-drunk girls, who always drunk-dial their ex-boyfriends and end up sitting and crying in the toilet. It's a waste of quality time that could be spent drinking with a bunch of cool girls that like to drink.

Girls, who don't share your secrets and girls who are genuinely happy for you when good things happen to you. These girls are ones you keep. Even if you have 3 or 4 good friends, it surely beats having 20 not-so-good friends.

Girls who drop everything and call you the second they receive an sms from you telling them that something bad happened. These girls should be treated with utmost importance. They will never leave you...boys however, sometimes do.

There will always be girls that try to shake your life a little and turn it upside down. Get rid of them. Plant your feet firmly in the ground, look them in the eye and say, "SHOO!"

Quality always outweighs quantity and sometimes is really all you need.

Common Sense

2011-07-04T01:19:00.000+08:00

Look, I'm not a racist. I am very open-minded when I speak to people and I always give them the benefit of the doubt when it comes to being culturally different. But I must say that you don't have to be an Asian to understand "Asian" values.

Don't use your feet to point at things for instance. Simple things like these need not be pointed out to you. Your feet are the lowest part of your body and you walk with them, they're stinky and don't you have hands? Don't kick or use your feet to even nudge people. Not cool...

Don't touch people's heads. Unlike your feet, your head is the highest part of your body and holds the organ to your intelligence. Is it really necessary to hit or playfully tap someone on the head? Really guys...do you not respect heads where you come from?

Respect your elders. Even Pocahontas respected her father and all the elders in her tribe. It's not rocket science you know? Always greet them when you enter their home, even if they are in the kitchen. Thank them for the meal they gave you, it's only common courtesy. Try to have a conversation with them, ask them about their day and what they've been up to. Don't sit at the table sulking like a spoilt brat.

Please, watch your language around your elders too. Never, ever think of your elders as friends. They do not like listening to you curse like a sailor. It does not make you seem "cooler".

Pay for a meal once in a while. Asian people are known for their generous hospitality. They welcome you into their homes and let you share a meal with their family, especially during the holidays, like Christmas or Deepavali. Reciprocate during your own holidays and reciprocate their generosity.

Golden Rule: Always bring a door gift.

During one of the dinners hosted at my mother's house, one of the guests brought 2 bottles of wine. What a generous person? But what if the bottles were half-empty or half-full, either way, it didn't sit very well with my mother. How much effort does it take to stop at GE Mall and pick up a full bottle of wine? After all, she made the effort to get the groceries and spend the entire day in the kitchen to feed your tummy.

I could go on for hours but I'm very sure you get my drift by now. We don't expect you to think like us, but we do expect you to respect us. We are human too after all. We don't live on trees and I think our technology is waaay ahead of you. So tell me again, why do you think you're better than us?

Don't you think all of this is just common sense?

2nd July 2011

2011-07-02T19:22:00.002+08:00

I found myself trembling with fear. I was in the same room, surrounded by the same people and I knew that they wanted me dead.

I woke up, gave my husband a kiss. "Where are you going?" he asked, "I need to blog this one, go back to sleep."

So here I am. Blogging. And I don't know where to start.

This dream has been recurring. But scenarios change, characters change, but their motif? All the same. They all wanted me dead.

This time, I just joined a dance company. I wasn't part of the corps de ballet and neither was I a soloist. I guess, they wanted to audition me first before I was allowed to perform for them.

The name of the dance company is unknown. However, it consisted of familiar faces. I dreamt of Ramli Ibrahim, Rathimalar Govindarajoo and Revathi Tamil Selvam, I think.

There were also little girls in my group and I felt the responsibility of keeping them safe. I remember shuddering every time the board of directors passed our studio, watching us almost predator-like. Their pupils flaming red, burning an evil flame.

Cut to all of us, seated on the floor, cloaked like Death Eaters. We look like we were in the middle of prayer. I remember hearing chanting and gregorian-like chanting.

My heart was beating in my throat as I knew I did not share the same faith they did. I tried to mimic their ritualistic hand gestures but I failed. One of the so-called "elders" spotted me, drawing attention to me.

I fled, terrorised. I knew that they would find me but I tried my best to save myself from them. I ran into a bathroom, which looked strangely similar to Lake Club's bathroom. Full of women, but I was soon discovered and thrown on the floor.

They point their fingers at me, I feel my entire body light up in flames and suddenly my vision is tinted blue. I feel my life slowly leaving me as my body is dragged across a hallway.

People stare, in fear that the same may be done to them.

Within minutes, I find myself back in a dance studio. I feel strong and am able to stand. I realise that I am dressed in pink tights and a ballet leotard. I place my hands on the barre in front of me and start to swing my legs back and forth as if I was doing the Grande Battements En Cloche, swinging like a bell.

I find my right leg in an arabesque. My thigh muscles clenched and bulging through my pink tights. The happiness that wells inside me is overwhelming.

I smile, my reflection, staring back at me. My hair is pulled tight in a chignon behind my head. I look like a dancer.

I feel grateful for being able to dance once again. I understand why you need to die before you start to appreciate the present.

Bubur Kacang Hijau

2011-07-02T10:58:00.000+08:00

One of my mother and hubby's favourite desert would be Bubur Kacang Hijau (Green Bean Pudding). This is a typically Malaysian desert and consists of green beans, coconut milk, brown sugar and sago seeds.

Staying true to my fast slow food pact with myself, my mom and I decided to make this yummy desert and I'd like to share with you how we made it.

Here, I used 1 and a half cups of green beans.

Rinse the beans out a few times and add about 200 ml of water and let the beans boil. If you like your bubur (porridge) more watery, please feel free to add more water.

In this recipe we've also added sago seeds. After about 20 minutes, add in about a quarter of a cup into the boiling mixture and continue boiling. Sago tends to thicken the mixture so don't add so much, but if you feel like you've added too much water, adding more sago with help you rectify that problem.

I must say that this brand of coconut milk was not the tastiest and coconut milk makes or breaks your bubur, so I'd recommend the small square packets of coconut milk so you can try out a few brands and conclude which one is your favourite.

Once your sago seeds become transparent, add in the brown sugar (gula melaka would be excellent!) and keep tasting till it's sweet enough for you. Add a little bit of coconut milk and a pinch of salt.

Continue to simmer for a little while longer and there you go. Bubur Kacang Hijau, just like how my hubby likes it...

Is This The Way Of The Church?

2011-06-30T11:29:00.000+08:00

My grandfather is suffering from Alzheimers. His disease has no treatment or cure, in other words it's a one-way street. It has come to a point where he cannot remember any of his grandchildren, friends or relatives. He only remembers my grandmother, who is patiently tending to his needs and standing by him as his mental health deteriorates. The epitome of Through sickness and health...

The only thing my grandfather lives for right now is for his Catholic faith. As a communion minister, he religiously attends mass every Friday and Sunday to serve the Body of Christ. It could be the comfort of routine or the comfort in prayer and faith that draws him to church every week.

For the past few months, my grandfather has started the habit of taking a few pieces of the Host and places them in his pocket so that he can consume the Eucharist every other day of the week that he doesn't attend mass. Many from the church frowned upon this action, as the Eucharist acts as the Body of Christ and you are not allowed to take it home, let alone put it in your pocket.

My grandmother, embarrassed by his actions tried to stop him from doing it, threatening him that they won't be able to go back to church if he keeps this up. Of course, none of this made any sense to my grandfather and he continued to smuggle little pieces of the Eucharist back home in his pocket.

My grandparents have been attending mass in St Johns for over 5 decades, so of course they are considered regulars. They sit at the same pew, week after week, other parishioners know them by name, so surely they know that he's been suffering from this for a while, no?

So last Sunday, when my grandparents attended mass, my grandfather went to the alter to perform his weekly service. He not only took a few pieces of the Host but after serving the congregation he went to the choir and asked them if they have received Holy Communion. He may have asked out of concern, them singing the communion hymn may not have given them the chance to receive Communion, but we all don't know how his mind works anymore.

Seeing this action by my grandfather, the resident priest of St John's called him up to the alter, during mass, in front of the entire congregation and had a few words with him. Of course, none of us will ever know what the Father said to my grandfather, but I think we can guess the gist of what he said.

After embarrassing my grandparents in a huge cathedral, the Father continued the service. After it ended, my grandmother, took it upon herself to apologise to the priest for my grandfather's actions. She also said that it would be wise to attend mass at a different church.

Instead of giving my grandmother compassion and offering a solution to her, he agreed with her. He thought that it was a good idea to attend masses at a different church. Can you believe it?

What man of God turns people away from their church? What man turns away an 80-year old man and his wife from the place of worship that they have loyally attended every Sunday? What human being doesn't understand?

I can't get over how dismissive the priest was with my grandparents. How can you willingly ask someone to leave their place of worship? Isn't the foundation of Christianity forgiveness? My grandfather isn't well, I understand that he may make other parishioners uncomfortable but does that mean you take away the one thing in his life that he looks forward to every week?

If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Would you speak to the priest? Would you kick up a fuss?

Shame on you Father, how do you look yourself in the mirror and claim yourself to be a man of God? Aren't you supposed to lead by example? It is instances like these that you realise that religion is just a man-made institution. As long as you have pure faith in your heart, nobody can take away the love God has for you...even if they are a 'priest'.

"Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."

Auntie Tossy's Tahu Sambal

2011-06-29T15:26:00.001+08:00

Caution: Taking photographs of yourself cooking is not a smart idea at all. Please do not try this stunt at home. I mean, try the recipe, just don't take self portraits...

Another favourite dish of mine would have to be my Aunty Tossy's Tahu Sambal. I never knew how easy it was to make this dish until today. If you like simple recipes, this is definitely one for you. Try it out and I guarantee you will not be disappointed.

I used about 6 cubes of tahu and sliced them into rectangles as shown above. Then pan fry them until they are slightly brown on both sides and keep aside.

Soak a handful of udang kering (dried prawns) in a bowl of water for about 20 minutes. This reconstitues the prawns and makes it soft. Blend the udang kering and a clove of garlic in a food processor. Heat some oil in a pan and saute the dried prawns and garlic until it's wangi (fragrant).

Add in 2 teaspoons of chili powder (you can add more if you like it spicier) and about half a cup of water and let the mixture simmer.

Add in some tomato sauce to create a sweet and sour taste and throw in the tahu you fried earlier. Simmer for a short while more and your sambal is done!

Here it is...Aunty Tossy's Tahu Sambal. Just the way I like it...

For The Love Of Curry Leaves!

2011-06-29T10:46:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately, I will not be able to share with you, the recipe for the Green Chili Pickle due to 'gotta-keep-some-recipes-secret' reasons but the photographs were so nice that I just had to share them with you...

So the only ingredient that my mother forgot to buy from the store were curry leaves so my mother made me go pluck some from our tree in the back. Judging by our sad little tree, my mom was not very impressed with the leaves I plucked for her.

Here I am, posing with the stalk of curry leaves from our potted plant. I was so thrilled by the experience of actually using the leaves from a plant grown by my parents. Don't laugh at me! Have you personally plucked leaves from a tree in your backyard and used them for cooking?

Because my mother was not happy with the quality of our curry leaves, she made me climb the hill in our backyard and pluck curry leaves from the tree on the hill. Having never done it herself, she didn't realise how steep the bloody bukit was. She calls it a slope, I call it Everest!

I can't share the recipe with you, but I can surely share the ingredients. All you need to do is figure out when to add what...

I've never tried any pickles with urundu dhall before. Have you?

Oops, I made a mess of the urundu dhall when I tried to put back in the packet.

Here's the final product...Green Chili Pickle!

Momma's Sardine Curry

2011-06-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

I took an interest in cooking almost 2 years ago when I just got tired of saying "No Aunty, I don't know how to cook." Many aunties, without fail, made a face and laughed "Aiyo, don't worry la, can buy food outside right?" Being true to my competitive nature I took it upon myself to learn how to cook. I started themed dinner night every Saturday with my closest friends. I roasted chicken, made hummus, tabouleh, sticky toffee pudding, bread and butter pudding and many other yummy dishes. I very quickly realised that cooking was not that difficult and just a matter of knowing when to add in your ingredients.

Now that my mom is back in town because of Nat's school holidays, she decided to teach me some Asian curry dishes to satisfy my Indian hubby's palate. After all isn't the way to a man's heart through his beer belly?

So the menu for dinner tonight was going to be my Mother's sardine curry, Aunty Tossy's tahu (tofu) sambal and green chili pickle. And I am going to share with you, two out of the three recipes that have been in my family recipe book for years...to start the ball rolling...

Momma's Sardine Curry

One of the simplest and cheapest dishes you can make and feed an entire family. Almost every Malaysian woman will have their own version of their mother's sardine curry and this is mine...

What makes a sardine curry? Chili powder, meat (or fish) curry powder, onions, tomatoes, eggs (optional), tamarind juice, a cube of ikan bilis (anchovy) stock and of course, a few cans of sardines.

Mix 2 tablespoons of chili powder and a small packet of meat (or fish) curry powder and add some water creating a paste (as shown above).

Depending on whether you like eggs or not, you can boil eggs and slice them gently with a knife and plonk them into the curry. Slicing the eggs allows the eggs to soak up the curry a little...I learnt this trick from my mother-in-law.

Chop your onions and tomatoes as shown above. Heat up a wok, add some oil and saute the onions until they become soft. Then add in your chili & curry powder paste and add a little more water until you reach the consistency you like.

Add some tamarind paste (assam jawa) and make another paste with water. Add in the tamarind water and remember to sieve this as the tamarind paste has loads of seeds. After this step, plonk in the tomatoes and bring the curry to a slight simmer.

Please be careful when you open your sardine cans, the ring to my can broke, which made it extra hard for me to open it fully. Also, look at the mess I made...

After the curry turns a shade darker, add in a cube of Ikan Bilis (anchovy) stock and you are all set!

Voila! Sardine Curry, just like how my momma makes it!

Odissi

2011-06-24T12:58:00.000+08:00

Dancers are athletes of God -Albert Einstein

Many people always ask me whether I prefer Odissi or Bharata Natyam. I always told them that there was a beauty in both and I love watching either forms but I think that my body is more suited for Odissi. Maybe my temperament better suits the languorous, sensual mood of Odissi. I sometimes feel that Bharata Natyam doesn't allow me to revel in a movement long enough, i can't stretch my body to its fullest before launching into the next step.

I've actually come to believe that Odissi may be present in my blood. The music itself gets my feet tapping and for the entire duration of the song, I am entranced. No one can catch my attention while I am lost in the world of its music.

The make-up is exquisite. The chitta (white dots) define your eyebrows, nose and chin ever so subtly. The antique silver jewelry add additional weight to your body and it restricts your body in such a way that adds to the authenticity of the movement. A headdress of flowers that resemble a halo around your sacred head making you look even more ethereal.

When you mention adding weight let's not forget our ankle bells. 50 little bells strung on a rope for each ankle, the tintinnabulation of the bells sets your mind to a time far, far away where once men were enticed by women who danced for them in their private harems. Passersby knew a women is present when they hear the distinct peals of bells jingling in the distance.

The subtle shift of weight only in the rib cage is a feat in itself. It requires pure articulation on the dancers part, and this asymmetry makes it even harder to balance. One needs pure focus, patience and agility to perform this form.

And if things are finally in control, the head and eyes automatically fall into place. The coy glances, ferocious valor and aching compassion can only be related via the eyes. They are after all windows to our soul.

Once your body is strong enough to hold everything together, only then is the vehicle ready to run. And how does a vehicle run without fuel? The fuel that will drive this divine instrument is of course, the Bhava. Bhava comes from within and is the catalyst that creates the rasa you feel while watching a dancer.

Ramli always told me that when you dance, you are bearing your soul to the audience and I couldn't agree more. Didn't someone once say that "Art is the lie that tells the truth''?

When you are portraying a role, you are 100% committed to playing that role. You believe that you are in fact this character and and it is your duty to convince the audience that you have indeed transformed into the part we are supposed to play. And we all know that in any Indian story, there is never a singe character to a drama.

You are expected to be a white canvas and on this canvas are you supposed to create images of Krishna, Ganesha, Manmata, Parashurama, Ravana and so on...can you imagine how emotionally draining it must be to hop in and out of character like that?

String that schizophrenia with some technical dance steps and you've got yourself a 20 minute piece equivalent to a 20 km marathon. Nope not easy...

But everything is worth it when you are on stage. Aches and pains magically disappear when you are completely lost in dance. I mean, how can you experience stage fright when the stage was the safest place you know? I spent my life growing up on it.

Maybe that has kept me grounded, being honest and true, I mean, really doing art for art's sake because
after all, if you're a liar, you are bound to be caught one day...

The Ex Factor

2011-06-23T17:12:00.002+08:00

I think it is safe to say that we can be categorised into 2 types of people. Those who get along with their exes and those who don't. I know which category I am in but I don't know how I got there. Perhaps I always felt that when you meet up with your ex its only because you miss the feeling of being together. I really don't understand how you can remain friends after being in a relationship.

Relationships are tumultuous, we'd fight and make up, I mean for that period of time, you wanted no one else. People always say that once you break up that's it, no more feelings involved. But how can you have absolutely no feelings for someone that meant the world to you. You can't control something like feelings, can you?

And at what point did the both of you break up? Didn't one of you break the other so far down to a point you couldn't even breathe? Who initiated? How can you remains friends after all that pain? Doesn't matter if you are the dumper or dumpee. Both parties will take their time to pick up the pieces left of their heart and just soldier on.

All of us cope the best way we can. We find solace in the arms another, some of us take a sabbatical, some of us find refuge in our friends, but whatever way we choose to cope, we shouldn't be judged by you or anyone else. Aren't we two single individuals trying to mourn the loss of someone?

I've personally hated the idea of staying in touch with an ex. It was messy and someone always got hurt. For the longest time, my heart will immediately sink into my stomach whenever I heard that my boyfriend got in touch with his ex. Meeting her was painful enough. But until recently, I always felt like I've been punched in the stomach anytime anyone even mentioned her name.

I have taken it upon myself to get over this horrible feeling by trying to sort out unresolved issues in my past hoping that by clearing out my baggage with help alleviate my issues with the present. All to no avail...

How do you get over an ex? Or how do you get over your boyfriend's ex? A lot of this has to do with your own relationships. I've come to understand that every relationship in your life is a chapter in your story book. They never merge and are separate parts of your life. Most of the time, when people are ready to accept the chapter, they almost never look back.

So as you enter a marriage for instance, all these little worry clouds seem to float away. And you are certain that you are his and he is yours. But what happens if you decide to part ways and get a divorce? And even worse still, you've both got a child together?

How much time do you give each other till you start dating other people? Will you allow your child to meet your ex-husband's new girlfriend? Will you allow your new boyfriend to meet your ex-husband? How does this work?

And what if your ex-husband marries his new girlfriend? Will you attend the wedding? Will you allow your child to attend their wedding? As his second wife, how would you cope with his ex-wife? Will you meet her? Will you keep your husband's wedding album with his first wife in your house?

All these questions have been swirling in my head as I learn about other people's lives and coping with their exes and I started to think that maybe worrying about ex-girlfriends was really not such a big deal at all.

A girlfriend or boyfriend, no matter how serious will never compare to a wife or husband. No matter how serious the relationship was there was obviously something lacking that prevented you from marrying each other and to me, that was the difference. You didn't spend countless hours with a guest list, arguing simply about who should sit where, whether you should serve chicken or beef, or go wedding band shopping together.

So now, this fly that has been bugging me for the longest time, seems to have vanished. My heart doesn't ache every time I hear of her and I don't roll my eyes quite as often as I used to.

Everyone I'm sure has their own weakness in a relationship and I think identifying it may be the first step to overcoming it. Time is definitely a huge factor in this and perhaps talking about it? When you marry someone, you need to start choosing your battles. You shouldn't be fighting about the smallest thing that irritates you because the both of you have decided to spend your entire lives devoted to each other.

So what in the world can you not discuss with him? Remember, a small little thing can become a puss-filled wound, which may eventually infect your entire relationship if it isn't resolved the moment it pops up.

To sum up, I'd like to share with you the lyrics to Adele's First Love.

So little to say but so much time,

Despite my empty mouth the words are in my mind.

Please wear the face, the one where you smile,

Because you lighten up my heart when I start to cry.

Forgive me first love, but I'm tired.

I need to get away to feel again.

Try to understand why,

don't get so close to change my mind.

Please wipe that look out of your eyes,

it's bribing me to doubt myself;

Simply, it's tiring.

This love has dried up and stayed behind,

And if I stay I'll be a lie

Then choke on words I'd always hide.

Excuse me first love, but we're through.

I need to taste a kiss from someone new.

Forgive me first love, but I'm too tired.

I'm bored to say the least and I, I lack desire.

Forgive me first love,

Forgive me,

Forgive me first love,

Forgive me first love

Make It Stop!

2011-06-21T20:19:00.001+08:00

I don't know what it means to be a grown-up. Does it mean I have to do my laundry, pay water and electricity bills? Does it mean I can stay out late and party without worrying about my parents scolding me? Does it mean I start to realise that the beautiful world I lived in was an illusion?

I think that being a grown up means learning to stand on your own feet and that you have finally grown into the shoes made especially for you.

Naturally, when you stand on your feet for too long, they will start to hurt and eventually, you may even get blisters. Again, only because now, you've grown up and because you are no longer carried around, you will start to experience pain.

Pain, not present during childhood if some of us are lucky. Pain should only be reserved for grown ups because we know how to deal with pain. Yes, pain should only be reserved for grown ups.

But now that I am a grown up, I've come to learn that many of my own friends knew only pain as children. Womanising fathers, verbally abusive mothers, physically abusive fathers, molesting teachers...the list can go on. Did they deserve this? No.

But they've learnt their own special way of dealing with it. A friend of mine told me that at times her father abused her mother, she'd start a conversation with God, "Hey God, mommy and daddy are only playing right? They're just showing me the wrong way to behave."

There shouldn't be a reason to show this to your child at such a young age. Someone told me that once you become a parent, saving yourself becomes secondary. All you should do is worry about your children and leave the second he raises his hand. No one, should allow their child to spend a second in an environment like that.

But what if I leave and he changes for the better? What will I tell my son if he asks me why I left his father? Why should I leave my children father-less only because he hurts me? It's not like he's hurting them.

He is hurting them. He is hurting their little innocent hearts. He is damaging their soul and they will grow up injured. What's worse? They don't even know it. Hurting them like this will affect them in school, career and future relationships. How can they trust anyone when they don't even know what trust is?

Certain laws don't allow divorce while a woman is pregnant in fear of her living as a single mother. But what happens if the husband is abusing his pregnant wife? What do you do then? Would you stay and endanger yourself and your unborn child?

I understand that as a grown-up, life suddenly becomes different shades of grey. But when it comes to harming another person, I believe that there is only black or white.

We're not living in Afghanistan or Iraq. We have a choice of whether we want to live in the warzone, they don't. We can choose to stay or we can choose to go.

Make it stop. Now that you are a grown up, take a stand.

Don't do it for you, do it for them.

Trust

2011-06-20T01:56:00.017+08:00

Trust. 5 little letters that make relationships last or otherwise. When you are born, you are born into a bubble. An indestructible bubble made out of the love of your parents. I grew up in a wonderful bubble filled with love, art and beauty and had the blessing of sharing this bubble with my sister Claudia.

Claudia wasn't the most ordinary of children. She had imaginary friends, a dramatic way of expressing herself and was my best friend. We'd share the back seats of my dad's Volvo on the way to the east cost, play silly word-games and sing-along to the music on the radio. However, when I grew older, I got other friends and Claudia didn't take this so well. She was very possessive of me and always tried to share me with my friends.

Like any other big sister, I always locked Claudia out of my room. I locked Claudia out of my room for many, many years and I truly regret it to this day. My parents added one more sibling into our bubble, our little brother Nathaniel. Claudia immediately became the middle child. Our parents and Nat moved away to Bangkok and Claudia and I transformed into 2 very separate individuals.

Throughout university, I was very busy balancing academics and dance. I had no time to take care of Claudia. She excelled in Uni, attaining Distinctions upon Distinctions. I was caught up in being a rebellious teenager and my family unit was shaken for the first time.

Claudia advised me endlessly, she never judged, she argued with me and listened tirelessly to my defense and sometimes even took my side. I remember being terribly angry all the time. My actions were at points even abusive. I did not know how to express my anger let alone control it. Yet, Claudia was always at my side. Supporting me, being there for me when I needed a shoulder to cry on.

Slowly, I grew out of that horrible phase and started appreciating the people who really did 'have-my-back'. My family. I'm now trying to reciprocate all the love and care showered upon me by my dear Claudia.

I try my best to listen to your problems, hug you when you are down and cook you a warm meal so that you don't miss mummy so much. You were a star during the wedding and so, so happy for me. That was all I needed.

But as you grow, you start to realise that you should not allow just anyone into your bubble. Some people are out there, waiting to get in to try and destruct it from the inside but my mother has always taught me to erase these people from your heart and mind. When you have a negative feeling or thought about someone, you are planting a seed and every thought to this person fertilises this seed producing a huge tree of hate and everything nasty.

There are people who hold a grudge on you for no reason at all. I mean what can a harmless 15 year old do to a middle-aged mother and wife? Beats me...

There are people who are jealous. I've lived my life surrounded by incredibly green-skinned people but again, I take a deep breath and brush them away.

There are even people who start off by doing things for you only hoping to gain a ten-fold return. Why they help people in the first place never seems to puzzle me...

But if you are just a little sensitive to those around you, even you can start to tell the good apart from the bad. This distilling process may be tough, but once you are on the other side, you are filled with nothing but happiness and ease.

A few people were a little wary upon hearing that I would be getting married in less than a year after meeting Ray. But I remember how brutally honest we were with each other during on of our first dates and I instantly knew that I could trust my entire life with this man.

It's really all the little things that he does that makes me believe that he may never hurt me. From what I felt when we first met to what I know now, convinces me 150% that he never will. All because of 5 little letters...

Daddy Cool

2011-06-20T00:44:00.004+08:00

Many know my father as James, Uncle James or Jimmy, I know him as Daddy. My daddy met my mom in Johor Baru at the age of 29 and had me at the age of 30. He has been the catalyst that sparked my interest in Indian Classical. Yes, my Chinese father was behind it. How very Malaysian.

My daddy is a hotelier and currently runs the Metropolitan in Bangkok. He started off in Hyatt Saujana, moved onto Merlin, then Concorde K.L and Concorde Shah Alam before he moved up north to Thailand.

My father was your typical Asian man, he brought home the bacon while my mom raised us kids at home. My earliest memory of him is sitting in our Proton Saga while he drove us home from dropping my mom off at Subang Jaya aiport. We always listed to Julian Lennon's Salt Water. Classic daddy moment for me.

As we grew older, daddy was always the plan B for my mom when we couldn't get Claudia to wake up. Though we rarely saw it, we feared his anger. We were always reminded not to speak at the dinner table and greet him at the front door when he came back from work. Yes, very, very Asian.

As more years passed, we saw my dad less and less, mostly because he worked further and further away. So every time my dad watched a dance performance I always became nervous because he would be my guest of honour. When I was younger and had stage jitters, my dad will always tell me not to think about the audience and just dance for my Grandfather (my mom's father, from Trivandrum, Kerala). He taught me from a very young age the meaning of humility and constructive criticism.

Nothing ever missed my dad's watchful eye. He'd always watch me like a hawk and would notice every single mistake I'd make. Receiving compliments from him, meant the world to me.

After he moved to Bangkok, he brought along my mother and brother. I think moving our mother away made him feel a little guilty because after he left, we noticed a shift in him.

He started being mushy and always ended a phone call by telling us he loved us. (note: I refer to us and we to my little sister Claudia and myself). We'd also started having 2 hour long dinners because we'd hear about each other's stories and catch up with what we'd missed. We started drinking together, which, was wonderful. Besides his extraordinary culinary skills, he also made the best lycheetinis.

He taught me how to appreciate flowers, furniture and simplicity. Maybe I just needed to grow into him and vice versa. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way though.

I hope I've grown up into the person he wanted me to be and I would definitely raise my children the way he has. He always told me that I could do anything I wanted to do as long as I thought it through and would be there to catch me in case I fell.

And he really was always there, advising me when he needed to. He'd always find the best tone to speak in and chose the words that would make me understand the severity of my actions. He really should have gone into Public Relations.

I think that is the way we should be with our kids. Be firm and strict with them so that they'd know who was boss, and later on melt away that tough exterior and wrap your arms around them as they grow older and embrace them as your best friends.

I love you Daddy. Happy Father's Day!

The Dumbing Down of Love

2011-06-20T00:03:00.003+08:00

Well painted passion
You rightly expect
Impersonation
The dumbing down of love

Jaded in anger
Love underwhelms you
No box of chocolates
Whichever way you fall

And if i tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you listen
Lover alone without love

No no i'll get this
I want to treat you
You're still not famous and you haven't struck it rich

Underachieving
Cos no-one's receiving
This tunnel vision
Is turning out all wrong

Music is worthless unless it can make a
Complete stranger break down and cry

And if I tell you
Lover alone without love
What will happen
Lover alone without love
Will you miss him?
Love alone without love

Without love

by Frou Frou

The Rhythm of Life.

2011-06-15T21:49:00.001+08:00

Today, I participated with Ramli Ibrahim in a lecture-demonstration at the Bentley's Auditorium, The Curve. It was titled 'Innovating Innovators'. The talk was held for people from the top advertising agencies in Kuala Lumpur. Our session is not what I would like to talk about. I was completely blown away by the session that followed us. It was by a man named Miha Pogacnik.

When you look at this photograph what can you see?

Looks like an abstract piece of art doesn't it? Looks like something a 3 year old could do? What if I told you that my life was expressed in that exact same drawing. Would you believe me?

Miha, the cultural ambassador of Slovenia, managed to take one of Bach's sonata's, broke it down, and analyzed the entire score and managed to interpret to me, the simplicity of life and achieving your dreams.

"Don't Ever Aspire To Be Normal!' he stressed. Why is it that we all aspire to be normal? Afraid of what people will think? Afraid of letting your parents down? Why do we shy away from our true calling like how Mystique from X-Men shunned her blue skin?

Imagine starting dance classes at the age of 5 and continuing under the tutelage of incredible mentors, each making a little indent on me, into the pot that they wanted me to be for 21 years. It was wonderful to be surrounded by so many powerful personalities, exuding auras the size of a studio apartment, all willing you to become the child of your destiny.

It gets tiring after a while. And when you get tired, you stop. You stop everything that everyone has aspired you to be and consciously resign from what everyone wanted you to become. I always felt so warm and comfortable in my artistic cradle but I started to suffocate. I needed to break away and breathe!

I stepped out of Sutra and stepped on the first flight to Seoul. Even after 6 months, I still felt trapped. I felt like a puppet who was always under the command of a choreographer. I came home and felt utterly vulnerable, inferior, completely useless.

Uncreative. I felt that the 'U' word was dirty. It made me *urgh* normal. I didn't want to be normal. I was an artist. I didn't know how to be anyone else.

It's been almost 2 years and I feel that this trial of fire is almost over. The chaos in my head has calmed down and I feel like I am ready to accept this role a higher power put me on this earth for. Almost like a Superhero accepting his powers and responsibility.

Miha mentioned something that really hit home. When you are a teenager, you forget the world. The entire universe revolves around you and you are your own God. All you want is for you to be happy, no one else's feelings matter anymore and you make sure your parents know it! This was sadly to say my terrible teens. (My mother would surely agree with me here...sorry mom! But we're great again!)

So then came my early 20s and I think I realised that it was not just me in this universe and I started caring for those around me. I started taking their thoughts into consideration, I observed and tried to improve my art, I took a bite of the humble pie.

In my early 20s, I remember for the longest time being at crossroads. Do I dance? Do I work? What did that question even mean? Well, when you've done what I've done since childhood, you don't really look at it as work. To me, work meant dressing up in a suit and carrying a briefcase. Yes, naive I know but I was young and stupid!

Now, almost a year after my 25th birthday, I would say I am in my late 20s and starting to embrace my calling. I have found my plus one and feel like I'm ready to go back to the idea I had in the beginning but was not ready to commit to, until now.

I feel the warm rays of hope emerging through the thick black clouds and am filled with an intense comfort. Like putting on your favourite t-shirt, it feels like home.

Now, scroll up and have a closer look at the drawing. Look for the arrows starting my journey and look for the final arrow pointing towards the heavens. Understand and chant the mantra "Let Go and Let Come". Notice the fires of conflict that lead up to surface only revealing the sun shining as brightly as you have ever seen.

All I needed was time...

2011-06-14T20:33:00.002+08:00

Whenever I meet someone for the first time they never fail to ask me if I was born in January. I never tire from their expression when I tell them that I was born in August. There has been countless times when I am speaking to a receptionist or a real estate agent and they either tell me that I have a lovely name or they say that I have a really funny name.

On very rare occasions, some people have actually heard my name before. They ask me wearily, "Umm...are you January Low by any chance?" I don't really know what they mean by asking me a question phrased like that but I proudly say, "Yes, I am." Maybe I don't look like a traditional Indian Classical dancer? But, what do traditional Indian Classical dancers look like?

Nowadays, the first question people ask me when they bump into me is, "Are you still dancing?" As hard as it is to answer that question, I seem to get by telling them the truth. You see, I was with Sutra Dance Theatre for 17 years. That is a looong time. In January 2009, I applied for a Dance Exchange in Seoul, South Korea, I completed the season of Rasa Unmasked, packed my bags and hopped onto a plane headed to the Soul of Asia.

I spent the best 6 months of my life and came home. I came home feeling lost and aimless. I did not know how to move on to the next stage of my life. So I decided to take the easy way out and got myself a job. Within the first 2 months, I knew that I was not suited for the client-servicing industry. I'd spent most of my life fighting for the Arts and was taught to never give a hoot about anyone. As an artist, you need to be strong and believe in what you are doing because almost everyone will have something to say about the piece that you just choreographed and you realise that these people only sit in the audience, watch your blood, sweat and tears for a mere 45 minutes, wait backstage for you only to criticise your work and go home and go about their daily routine.

No one was with you in the studio, no one called you up one day to ask you if you needed a third pair of eyes to help you with your piece, no one really cared. So yes, I realised very quickly that I could not sit there and agree with everything my client wanted me to do. So I tendered my resignation and prepared myself to get back into the dance studio and start getting creative.

I was invited to perform for last year's World Dance Day and I wanted to create a new piece. I did not know how or where to start but I decided to perform a piece that focused on 'Abhinaya' or the expressive technique of Indian Classical Dance. I also wanted to perform this piece to an original soundscape, better yet, live. So I thought about getting a sitar player to accompany me for this piece but then I decided against the usual musical accompaniment and gave my friend, Reza Salleh a phone call.

For all of you that has not heard of Reza, shame on you! Reza is a local artist who melts your heart with his songs. Besides his golden voice, he is also the genius behind Moonshine, a platform for upcoming independent musicians to showcase their music (This was where the ever-so-talented Yuna was discovered). So since my piece was about the different tonalities of love, calling Reza Salleh to accompany me was a no-brainer.

*** If you haven't heard Reza Salleh perform I strongly suggest you click on this and book your tickets to watch him perform at the Malaysian Philharmonic Orchestra. I guarantee you that you will not be disappointed!

Luckily for me, Reza was free and willing to experiment this piece with me. We met up for a few sessions where I explained to him what the piece was about and we sat down and discussed the melodies for the different parts. One night, after cooking dinner for a bunch of my closest friends, Reza and I decided to premier the piece for them in my living room!

Based on my friends' reactions and what I felt while performing the piece, I'm proud to say that I think Reza and I struck gold. The piece was new, fresh and yet still very, very traditional. We moved on to perform this piece twice last year and I am ever so excited to create more.

Another small win for me last year was performing for TUGU Drum Circle's 8th Anniversary. I had the privilege to perform with Elvira Arul and Reza Salleh. 'Sweet' is one of my ultimate favourite songs and dancing to it live with Reza singing was truly a dream come true.

Now, that the wedding is over, I have a few more ideas up my sleeve and I can't wait to see how it translates into physical movement. But it is a wonderful feeling, having ideas that flow from one point to another. I love seeing abstract images in my head, it comforts me, knowing that I too, am able to create...

Below is an edited video of my piece accompanied by Reza. I have named this piece Shades of Love, it was inspired by the Odissi composition, Ashta Nayika (Eight Heroines). This piece reflects the 8 different moods of women: Abhisarika - one who stops at nothing to be with her lover, Vasasajika - one in preparation of meeting her lover, Virahotkantita - one who is unsure if her lover will show up, Vipralabda - one who is dejected upon realising her lover will not show, Proshitapriya - one whose lover is overseas, Khandita - one who realises her lover has spent the night with another, Kalahantarita - one who is remorseful upon sending her lover away and Swadheenapatrika - one who is finally reunited with her lover.

Hope you like it...

Here's what the New Straits Times thought of it...

Low's In The Mood For Love
(click here to read it!)

I never 'just' sleep...

2011-06-13T19:16:00.001+08:00

Every other day I wake up and tell my hubby what I dreamt about the night before. And the other day he asked me, "Don't you ever just sleep?" I paused, and thought about it and immediately replied, "Nope. Guess I never just sleep."

Do you find that odd? Don't you dream every night as well? Most of my dreams are so vivid that I actually wake up tired. All of the characters in my dreams remain the same. Everyone that has an impact on my life I guess. Normally, the setting of the dream would be of the book I just read, movie I just watched or sometimes the topic I spoke about before falling asleep.

I heard someone say that you and your husband must 'ALWAYS' sleep in the same bed. There is no excuse that should allow the both of you to sleep in separate rooms. Want to know why? It's simply because this is the only 'act' that the both of you make with each other. Think about it...you can have lunch with anyone, drink a glass of wine with anyone, send an sms to anyone, but lie next to someone else? No, you can only do that with the one you are committed to.

So back to my dreams...I have wonderfully blissful dreams, terrifying real nightmares and sometimes, superhero fantasies. In my happy dreams, I dream that I am pregnant. I dream that I am holding the hand of my toddler. I dream that I am dancing to a 1000 people in a large stadium. I wake up so excited and ready to kick-start my day.

Sometimes, I dream of death. I dream that I am consoling a loved one who has lost someone dear to them. Sometimes, I dream that it is I who has lost someone close to me and I am convulsing, sobbing and wake up feeling like my heart has been shattered to a million pieces.

Almost 3 years ago, I started having a recurring dream that involved 2 people. In this dream, the setting changed but the arguments were always the same. I would be burning with rage and yelling at them. I'd start off well but after a sentence my voice gets stuck in my throat. I'd try to scream my lungs out but no sound would emerge. My body would tense up, fists clenched and I would scream but all to no avail.

Funnily, a couple of months ago this dream started to evolve. I'd dream the same dream I've been dreaming but this time, my voice does not falter. The volume of my yelling would increase as I willed it. I finally was free. I could express myself and be heard. They would hear me. They would respect me.

That dream has shown me how much I've grown as a person. That dream makes me feel a little proud and a little lighter around my shoulders.

Another dream I keep having is one I hate waking up from. It always happens in the same house with the same people. In this dream I am always welcome. I sit and chat with people who live in this house and it seems like nothing has changed. It almost seems like a parallel universe. But throughout this dream I am thinking to myself, "What am I doing here? Why doesn't this seem right? How do I get myself out of this situation?"

This dream however, comes once in a blue moon. Comes when I least expect it I guess. I wake up feeling terrible. I wake up wanting to be in my hubby's arms. I wake up reaching out for him.

I never tell him about this dream though. I guess because I don't understand the dream myself and the dream floats away as quick as it came and it's all a blur.

I can't wait for this dream to go away though. I guess it'll only be a matter of time till all the scars fade away...

To end on a happy note, I'd like to share a recurrent dream that I always like to share with my Fairview friends. The dream about Ken Thye...for the longest time from school to HELP to Lim Kok Wing, I'd always dream, once in a while, that Ken was my boyfriend. I found it the funniest thing because Ken was never my boyfriend. I've known him since the age of 4. I went to his house every Chinese New Year but I wasn't very close to him. I'd been closer to the other guys, Ali, Mohan, Bello, Krisna, Imran, etc. So everytime I'd dream of Ken, I'd just layan the dream la! Until a few years ago when Ken came back and we all met up for drinks I told them about this weird dream. I think Ali found it really funny and so every time after that I'd always sms Ali whenever I dreamt about my 'dream-guy'!

Man...I miss my school days. I never really understood why when I was a kid everyone always told me to enjoy my schooldays because I'd really miss them when they were over. What they failed to mention was that they missed seeing their friends everyday, writing love notes to your crush in school, playing pranks on teachers, but you can still do all of these things!

Social media plays a big role in allowing you to stay in touch with all your school friends. Blackberries and Iphones have chat programs that can allow an on-going chat with a whole group of your friends.

So after reading this post, bbm one of your buddies and go grab a drink!

PS I don't have the Ken dream anymore... :)