Shopping for Doctors is not as fun as Shopping for Clothes!

I decided that I needed to shop around for a doctor who can deliver my twins vaginally because not many of the 'younger' doctors do it. I'm guessing it's easier for them, they get to schedule it, they're in and out in an hour or 2 tops and they don't need to wait around while you labour. While I understand that if there are complications and if the twins are not co-operating with mommy and are in difficult positions to come out through the natural passage then I understand that I'll have to undergo a c-section due to the circumstances. However, I do not understand doctors who say that they exclusively perform c-sections for women who have more than one baby regardless of their positions or not.

Again, I don't really have many friends who have had twins and all of them have had amazing births, some gave birth in their bathtub at home, some had an epidural, some had an emergency c-section and some used hypnobirthing techniques and swore by it. So I was very confused when my present obgyn told me that she is more comfortable performing a c-section on me.

Now I am not being stubborn, I just feel that it's my body and it's my right to choose how I want my babies to be born. I would like to have the peace of mind knowing that my doctor did everything she could before deciding to go with the c-section. Plus, I'd like to be as mobile as I can after delivery because I have not one but 2 babies to feed, change, bathe, etc. Now this is where you may think I'm trying to kill myself but I do not want a live-in maid as well.

So started the shopping for an obgyn who could deliver my precious little ones. Oh, and another reason for looking for a new obgyn was that we needed a hospital closer to home. Sunway is quite a distance for me to labour all the way in the car!

I met up with Dr Ashar in Ampang Puteri, Dr Jean Woo in Gleneagles and Dr Paul Tay at Prince Court Medical Centre. Dr Ashar and Dr Jean Woo were wonderful, they patiently answered all my questions, calmly explained the techniques they'd be using to deliver the twins as if I was a doctor myself (I really appreciate when doctors do this, I hate it when doctors talk to me as if I don't understand anything because I'm not a doctor. I mean hello, we have google!) and they comforted me and told me I had nothing to worry about with twins. Many twins have been delivered naturally if the twins were in the right positions.

The came Dr Paul Tay who was a complete dick! Forgive my french but I left Prince fuming mad because of his bedside manner or lack thereof! First and foremost, he was typing all of our notes into his computer, which meant he hardly looked at us when he spoke to us (this is a huge pet peeve of mine! I mean we are paying you for your time and service, the least you could do is look at us in the eye and talk to us, this is our babies we're discussing!), secondly, rather than understanding that the whole reason I came was to discuss whether I could deliver vaginally or not he kept pushing for a c-section, saying that his tolerance was very low and at the slightest complication he would do the c-section, and thirdly he kept bringing up numbers, which started to make me feel like he felt like we couldn't afford it. Hello! We came to Prince fully aware of the costs, IDOIT! And he said if I deliver in May (why would he want to jinx me like that!??!!) we'd have to probably pay about RM 30,000 per baby so if we don't have that kind of budget to not even bother coming to Prince if my water breaks early and to go straight to a government hospital and deliver because transfers are tough! Urrrgh...my blood is boiling just typing this.

I was so upset when I left Prince, first and foremost at least practice some tact, don't have to be so money oriented, at the end of the day we want our babies to be delivered safely to the best hands we see fit. We don't care about the money, but also be comforting towards the mother, don't talk to me as if I'm some roast turkey you just can't wait to carve.

I was so disappointed that we won't be delivering at Prince, the rooms are so purty!

Disclaimer: I have nothing against caesarean births but I believe that every woman has the right to decide how she would like to give birth. She owns every right to decline or refuse whatever she is not comfortable with. We need to change this mindset that doctors know everything and we have no say. My advise to future mommies out there is to read up as much as you can and meet up with as many doctors as you want before making a decision. Birth is no joke and there is never one way of doing something. 

If It's On Facebook, It's Official!

Little did I know that while I blogged on New Year's Day 2 little lives were already forming inside of me...

I don't know what it is about babies but they happen to you. You can try as hard as you can to make them, but these little gifts from God only come to you when they are ready. As hard as it was for me to accept this because almost every friend was popping out a little bub without even trying, I think I came to terms with it after I posted that New Year's blogpost. I was ready to press Play on my life that was Paused for a while.

I had it all planned out, I was going to do this, learn this, perform this, teach this, and then a couple of days later we found out that I was pregnant. I cried, he cried, my mom cried, my dad cried, heck even my sister cried not because I told her but because she kinda guessed and cried in case it was true.

Yes, we were very happy and very excited. I was going to embrace this pregnancy, glow and radiate like a firefly, I mean, I wanted this for so long right? My mom kept asking me if I felt any nausea and I was all, "No, mom. I feel great, I don't feel anything at all..." 

Then 2 days later I fell sick with a fever and sore throat and the nausea nightmare began.

I'm one who rarely falls sick so when I do it gets quite ugly. So I didn't realise that my nausea troubles had begun till my fever and sore throat went away and I noticed that I was still throwing up everything I ate. It was horrible. I realised I couldn't stand the smell of my own bedroom, bathroom, kitchen, fridge, clothes detergent, shampoo, I couldn't even stand the smell of my own husband. :( A smell I used to love by the way.

It was bad. None of my friends experienced nausea this bad so I did not know what to expect. All my mom kept saying was, you'll see, you'll see, which really did not help at all.

Now that I have just turned 14 weeks, I feel like the nausea has eased up a lot. It was progressive but now I can eat a meal without wanting to run to the nearest bathroom, I can even drink a couple of sips of water (something I could not even do earlier). I think I kinda know what triggers my nausea but I've heard that it's different for everyone. Can you believe this? Women have been pregnant for centuries and we haven't found a cure for morning sickness yet! There are medication of course, which I was taking for a while, but I wasn't too comfortable with the idea of taking something to subside a completely natural symptom so I weaned myself of the meds and just tried eating whatever I felt like eating. It came to a point where I just hated eating altogether, something I have never experienced my entire life.

So, as excited as I was to stand on a cliff and shout out "I'M PREGNANT" to the entire world, I kept mum (haha, geddit?) till we heard the heartbeats. Ok, here's the thing. When I went in for my first scan, we only saw one yolk sac. Only when we went in to hear the heartbeat for the first time  we found 2 little embryos and we had the shock of our lives! I couldn't believe it. After that we decided to tell our parents, friends and family members. I loved telling everyone because it felt like I was playing an awesome hand of poker. I mean people were already so happy to hear that I was pregnant, but when I upped the news by saying that we were having twins, people just lost it!

So, I didn't want to do the whole facebook thing of posting a photograph of my ultrasound because half the time people just don't understand what they're looking at so I kept things understated and kept people guessing till I posted a recent photo of a little bump that seems to be growing everyday.

Now, that it's on Facebook, I guess it's safe to say it's Official!

I'm pregnant with a set of twins!

2012, The Quiet Year

I don't know what it is about every new year that fills all of us up with hope. Hope for change, hope for better things to come, hope that this year will be the best year yet. I haven't blogged since March 2012 mostly because I felt like I had nothing to say.

To be honest, I was hoping that we could start a family and welcome a new addition only to realise that life does not always happen the way you want it to. I have literally put my life on hold thinking that every month was going to be 'THE' month. So much so, the entire 2012 flew past without much for me to boast about. 

However, in the middle of the year, I happened to bump into an old friend at a Pasar Malam (night market) in Bangsar and the universe threw me an opportunity to get back into the arts. I had the privilege of working with a group of children that I can safely say changed my life. I did not see them every weekend, in fact I spent only 20 hours over the span of 6 months through movement workshops and gave them a little taste of Odissi. But the evolution of these little people from the first session I had with them was remarkable. I sat through the entire production of the Bites of Delights with tears of pride and joy running down my face because the kids were really that good. The entire show did not only entertain me, it gave me hope that maybe there is a chance that our future generation can continue to contribute to the arts in Malaysia. That the talent pool still runs deep and that there are selfless, nurturing artists in Malaysia who can bring out the best in our kids. 

I grew up watching any show my mom read about in the papers. Theatre, dance, broadway, you name it and my mom took me there. She didn't just take me to international productions brought to KL, she took me to many, many local productions. I grew up watching Lena Ang, Joseph Gonzales, Ramli Ibrahim, Faridah Merican, Marion D' Cruz and many many more. I learnt how to appreciate good art just by sitting in a theatre and getting lost in the world of art. I think that is the best way to learn. I hate it when people say that they don't go to an art exhibition or contemporary dance performance because they don't understand. If you don't understand, shouldn't that be even more reason to watch more? 

We need to encourage each other to open up our minds and think. We need to challenge each other and argue and debate. We need to instill this culture in our youth because sure as hell our education system needs to change and it can only change if we change ourselves.

Another opportunity I had last year was to work closely with Teach For Malaysia. I was so humbled from my experience during Teach For Malaysia Week that I took on the role of a selection specialist and got the chance to conduct interviews for the next cohort of Fellows. It was no easy task, we would go through 100 to 200 online applications, conduct five to six 30 minute phone interviews everyday. The entire selection process lasted around 3 months and I have to say that I am so proud to know that there is an organisation out there trying to make a change in the Malaysian education system.

Just before the end of the year I had the opportunity of working with the renowned Pat Ibrahim and one of the most beautiful dancers in Malaysia, Suhaili Michelin. It all started with a Facebook message which transformed into an email and then a meeting in Starbucks and culminated in a duet for the Agong, Permaisuri Agong and even Michelle Yeoh. Sometimes if you ride a wave you come out the other side really impressed that you took it on in the first place.

Phew! I guess 2012 was not that quiet after all. In between all of that we moved into our first house together, travelled through Turkey and had a beautiful family holiday in London. Here's to better things in 2013. I am going to blog more, dance more, love more and laugh more.

Cappadocia, Turkey Aug/Sept 2012

Lows in London Oct 2012

Our Sanctuary