Last night, I lay on my bed wide awake. I couldn't sleep, yet again. I started counting numbers as I always did, starting at 1 and ending with me in deep slumber. No matter how slow I counted, I could not fall asleep.
I hate not being able to fall asleep because my mind starts to wander and my train of thought really travels an infinite railroad, with no STOP sign in sight. And the further my mind goes, the harder it is for me to fall asleep. An irritating, never-ending cycle.
So last night, while I was tossing and turning in bed, I started thinking about friends and friends of friends who have found themselves in danger of late. A friend of mine recently got mugged in Pattaya, Thailand. Another friend of a friend's house got broken into, the family were tied up and robbed. Thankfully, no one was hurt. I've also heard of many horror stories that involved car windows being smashed at a red light.
What is this country coming to? How is the danger level increasing right under our noses? Was this side of Malaysia hidden away from me as a child? Or has the country gotten worse?
We are currently in the midst of looking into moving into a landed property, garden and all but how safe would that be? What if one night I get out of the car to open the gate and am attacked by a group of men hiding in the drive-way of my house? Heaven forbid that I have a child or two with me? How would I be able to defend them from these attackers?
Would it be safer to stay in a condominium? But I could also be attacked in the lift, car park or hallway leading to my unit.
What kind of life would my children lead? How can I protect them from so many things? Just the other day, I was in KLCC and followed by an African man. He tried to speak to me twice but I ignored him and walked away. He followed me through the entire store and I just stopped and looked him in the eye. Within two seconds, he bolted out the door. I had no idea what he wanted but he inflicted so much fear in me for the next couple of days.
How can I later on allow any of my daughters (if I had any) out in public places like these with their friends? Would they know what to do in a situation like that? What if they decided to help him? Let alone follow him to a quieter area of the mall?
Gosh, the possibilities. How did I become so terrified? I have not experienced anything as scary as what you read in the papers but I know that danger like this not only exists in this country but is RAMPANT.
Who started inflicting this terror in our minds? Does it really take a plane to crash into the World Trade Center for us to notice that our country is also full of terrorists?
Why is it that when I drive next to a Police car I feel even more nervous? Why don't I feel safe? Isn't it their jobs and responsibility to ensure that Malaysian citizens nothing by safety?
Sigh...I don't know. Feeling utter helplessness, I drift off to sleep out of sheer desperation.
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