ten years ago, around this time, i drafted a resignation letter and gave my six month notice. i spent six months in seoul and had my first taste of artistic freedom. this elation was soon met with a crushing existential crisis that lasted well...about ten years.
starting from zero, i tried to rebuild my identity, stumbling here and there, drowning, gasping for breath, staying afloat only to drown again. it was not a pretty time. whilst i was going through all of these emotions i met my love, got married and had a couple of babies.
most of my conflict revolved around my self-worth and self-esteem as a person and artist. without the high acclaim to back me up, i was nothing or so i thought. i did not know how to create. i have always felt that i was not creative. i never knew how to say what i wanted to say let alone create something to express my thoughts.
however, i also knew that i did not just want to dance. i wanted to say more. i knew that i needed to be better than before, stronger than before because i needed the goods to back up the talk.
i knew everything that i did not want to do but knew nothing about what i wanted to do. it was a double edged sword.
the dance that blessed my childhood had indeed become a curse. everyday i spent not dancing was sheer torture to my psyche. i felt guilty, worthless, everything society said i would be once i became a mother, a wife.
but somehow, with the grace of god, the power of intent and love from my support system, i managed to face head on every demon i had inside me and turn the healing process into my work.
last year, was a strange year. but it was the year that turned everything i had learned on its head, forced me to unlearn many, many things and ignited a spark within.
the only way i could move ahead was to incorporate art into my life. i had to work realistically, in a way that reflected my life and vice versa. i needed to change my approach towards the artform and look at it at an even bigger scale. dance to contribute to art and not dance for the individual me.
through this therapy of art i managed to find my own voice and intent towards my life and my art.
just a month ago, i was lamenting that i felt that my career seemed to stop and start and never really take off. My husband then asked me to write down every work i created or performed since 2009 and i did just that.
to mark a decade in art i made this video for you and for me. to remind all of us that what we need is already within...
starting from zero, i tried to rebuild my identity, stumbling here and there, drowning, gasping for breath, staying afloat only to drown again. it was not a pretty time. whilst i was going through all of these emotions i met my love, got married and had a couple of babies.
most of my conflict revolved around my self-worth and self-esteem as a person and artist. without the high acclaim to back me up, i was nothing or so i thought. i did not know how to create. i have always felt that i was not creative. i never knew how to say what i wanted to say let alone create something to express my thoughts.
however, i also knew that i did not just want to dance. i wanted to say more. i knew that i needed to be better than before, stronger than before because i needed the goods to back up the talk.
i knew everything that i did not want to do but knew nothing about what i wanted to do. it was a double edged sword.
the dance that blessed my childhood had indeed become a curse. everyday i spent not dancing was sheer torture to my psyche. i felt guilty, worthless, everything society said i would be once i became a mother, a wife.
but somehow, with the grace of god, the power of intent and love from my support system, i managed to face head on every demon i had inside me and turn the healing process into my work.
last year, was a strange year. but it was the year that turned everything i had learned on its head, forced me to unlearn many, many things and ignited a spark within.
the only way i could move ahead was to incorporate art into my life. i had to work realistically, in a way that reflected my life and vice versa. i needed to change my approach towards the artform and look at it at an even bigger scale. dance to contribute to art and not dance for the individual me.
through this therapy of art i managed to find my own voice and intent towards my life and my art.
just a month ago, i was lamenting that i felt that my career seemed to stop and start and never really take off. My husband then asked me to write down every work i created or performed since 2009 and i did just that.
to mark a decade in art i made this video for you and for me. to remind all of us that what we need is already within...
#decadeinart
