Friday, August 21, 2015

two become two

My kids turned two today and I do not know where that time went. I go through photos of them as one year olds and I don't even remember them even looking like that, don't get me started on their full moon pictures. Time has flown so fast and it has been an incredible journey. The most difficult thing I have ever/ will ever do in my life but the most rewarding.

My babies run to me and shower me with hugs and kisses. My little girl looks for me when she is uncomfortable and seeks a familiar lap to sit on. My little boy screams bloody murder everytime I drop him off at pre-school and as much as it makes me feel like shit, it reminds me that he does in fact enjoy my company.

I am not the warmest person you will come across. I try my best not to give in to my kids. And I let them cry it out about everything. I feel bad sometimes because when my friend's kids fall they immediately run to them and scoop them into their arms and soothe them. When my kids climb on a chair I say nothing, I let them fall, make their mistake and learn not to do it again. This means that my days are full of bloody lips and tears but today I know that when they cry after they fall, they really do hurt.

Today, when I baked their little carrot birthday cake, I kept thinking about the day that they will be embarassed about the 'not-so-pretty' cake mummy baked and will insist on ordering the damn 'Elsa' cake and it made me so sad. A silly little thought of course but very true.

Just yesterday I thought of packing snack packs for my children's classmates and actually took the kids grocery shopping with me and did it. Nothing fancy, a zip locked bag which said, "we are two today" (handwritten by a sharpie by me), then I stuck a sticker on it and filled it with pre-packed oat biscuits, pre-packed cake and a box of raisins. When I got home today my mother showed me two party packs my children received. Firstly, this senior child prepared packs for the entire school. Secondly, the pack consisted of a ceramic mug, a pack of kit kat and a seriously fancy flashcard. By fancy I mean it was printed on both sides and you could pull it apart and it described the animal it showed. Sorry la for sounding Jakun but I seriously felt embarrassed.

But the more and more I thought about it, I told myself to shut the eff up and get my self together. I woke up at 6am this morning just to make sure I personally baked this cake myself. It may not have looked the best but I knew what went in it and was absolutely sure that it tasted good. I also came to the fact that these little bubs will grow out of me. And I hope that I will have the strength to just let go (confident with whatever life lessons I have given them) and wait for them to flitter back to me when they are ready.

Happy birthday little ones. Mummy and daddy love you with all of our hearts and even more. There is absolutely nothing that we won't do for you and we believe that you will achieve nothing but greatness with the gifts bestowed upon you from the heavens.


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