The E Word

You know what is easy? Scrolling down your newsfeed or instaposts and judging and bitching about people. Bad mouthing someone because by that one photograph you think she's got it all together. One photograph, one millisecond, one moment. Sounds ridiculous right? You base her entire life on that one photograph. You fail to realise that she chose that photo for a reason. So that she can also feel that her entire life is in order or because she is so proud of herself for finally getting her life back in order.

It's easy, to sit, scroll and judge and hate. I used to do it. I used to burn with envy when I saw people doing what I wanted to do. I could do that, I always thought to myself. I could sooo do that. But if I just sat and scrolled and judged and hated I would never end up doing anything.

So I got off my butt and started doing. Everytime I found myself free I would fill up the time with doing something constructive. I would write, dance, listen to music, just to feel like I spent time with myself doing something creative.

Signing up for bodytone sessions also changed my life. Everytime I hear someone say that I would roll my eyes but it is true. Ok, the first few sessions were so so but then when I started seeing results and watching the numbers on the scale go down I knew I was doing something right. Also because the sessions are so incredibly expensive I made sure that I changed my diet just so that my sessions did not go to waste. 3 months in and I am very happy with the results. My energy levels are up, my stamina is awesome and I can dance longer.

Yet, people don't see this. They look at photos, judge and hate. They think that I am living the perfect life, in the perfect house with a perfect family. My life is perfect to me because I work hard towards it. Every decision I have made consciously and I have stuck to it. When I was pregnant, I told myself that I did not want live-in help, my husband thought that I was crazy and that I would cave in once the babies arrived but it's been 15 months and both of us feel that it has been the best decision yet.

My parents do not live in Kuala Lumpur and my in-laws live quite far away, which means I do not have babysitters at my beck and call. So I wake up at 6am to have breakfast, feed and change the kids when they wake up and drive to my bodytone sessions at 8am so I can workout before hubby goes to work. If hubby isn't around then I try to bring the kids with me.

Over thinking situations have not helped me in the least so I have stopped thinking about things all together. Instead of wallowing in self pity I pack the kids in the car and head out, alone. We have lunch, walk around a bit and come home. I do not allow myself to feel helpless. All of our mums did it, why can't we?

The main reason why I didn't want live-in help is because I did not want to become dependent on someone who could just walk out of our lives as suddenly as she walked into it. Yes, in the beginning I would still do everything but sooner or later I would relinquish control and probably end up getting lazier and lazier and without warning she would get up and leave and I would be left helpless. No, no, I would not want something like that to happen to me.

Also, I am blessed to be able to stay at home and take care of the children. Children that I have dreamed of having for many, many years. Whenever you hear stories of regret you always hear people say that they wished they spent more time with their children. You also always hear that children grow up so fast.

So I've stopped scrolling, ok ok I still scroll, but I don't judge, I don't hate, I don't envy. I try to love more, focus on me more and automatically I become happier. I feel better. I don't let that stupid green monster eat me up. I don't allow negative energy to boomerang back to me. I don't envy.

Hating is easy. Jealousy is easy. But being genuinely, sincerely happy for someone is not. You need to consciously open up your heart, throw caution to the wind and just throw your arms wide open to hug that person. Send them good vibes, healing vibes. We all need it. We all need to be happier for one another, our friends, even our enemies. We need to see more good in the world.

The Premiere of rehab

Going on last is stressful. You watch each group go in, you hear the applause and then they come out and the next group goes in. It didn't help that every group that came out said, "Whoa, there was A LOT of people in there!" Anxiety that started 2 days before the show continued growing till it formed a huge knot in my throat that by the time the group before us headed in I swear I almost threw up. Thank God I had Rathi with me. But I could tell that Rathi was nervous too.

We took a huge deep breath and exhaled forcefully. "Whoosh!" We did that three times trying to force all the butterflies out. We shook our limbs hoping to shake away all the nerves. It was coming, it was near. This was it, the 2 month of prep, the 5 years I haven't performed in Kuala Lumpur, the first time being on stage as independent artistes, the first time being on stage as a mother.

So much friggin pressure.

But, just before we went in to standby I took Rathi and told her that this was for us. rehab was for us. From the beginning, we agreed to just have fun and not have any expectations. This was a special piece. It was us. From start to finish, we wanted to show you who we were and who we are now.

Rathi and January.

We held each other tightly before going on to sync our energies and the tears started welling. We pulled away and said ok, here we go...

We walked to our spots, the lights came on and everything that happened after that was surreal. Before we realised it, it was over. We had done it.

After we took our bow we saw a sea of familiar faces, all with tears in their eyes. They knew, they understood how long it had taken for us to get here and they understood how important this piece was to us. Then our tears came and it was beautiful. Everyone seemed to take home a little piece of us, our heart and that was exactly what we wanted to give. We didn't have anything to hide anymore, we were healed.

I don't have to feel uncomfortable the next time someone asks me whether I am still dancing. I can stand tall on both feet and confidently say, yes.

Master Class ‘rehab’ Tari ‘14

Yesterday we kicked off ‘rehab’ with two Master classes under the Tari ‘14 Dance Festival in ASWARA. The response was nothing short of ridonkulous. The first session involved 50 participants from Taiwan, Singapore, Philippines and of course we had many locals as well. We shared a little about the creative process that led to ‘rehab’ and taught them some Odissi and Bharata Natyam techniques. Then we split them up into 6 groups and gave them a task. After 15 minutes there was a showing in silence and with music and we had a group of 7 year kids from Convent Bukit Nanas to help choose the best group. The entire 75 minute session felt light, easy and everyone seemed pretty into the workshop. We were very happy.

After a short 15 minute break we were told that the next session was going to be held upstairs. When we walked into the main studio, we were slightly puzzled as to why we were given such a huge space. We were then informed that over 80 people had registered for our session. Now that’s a turnout! I was a little curious as to how many people would show up for our session but 130 people in a span of 3 hours was amazeballs!

Seeing that there were more company dancers that attended our second session we decided to teach them a slightly more complicated routine. Little did we realize that by teaching a more complicated routine, we would have to repeat this a few times, which was incredibly exhausting. I think I even pulled my groin slightly.

All in all, it was a beautiful way to start the ball rolling. All the sharing and exchanging of energy was so positive and it was a great way to be introduced back into the dance scene.

On a separate note, we came out in the Star yesterday. Click here to read the interview.

Hope to see all of you at the show today! IT'S TODAY!!! 

0_0

rehab

Two months ago the universe called me back to the dance studio. I created a space for me at home and started slowly. First with just listening to old dance music, then sitting down and going through hand gestures and finally standing up and letting my body memory work its magic. It's incredible how if you don't think too much the body knows what to do and all you need to do is trust it and go along with where the movement takes you. I'm not going to lie, it was hard. My hands, feet and body felt very heavy. It was difficult to articulate and move with the ease I had a few years ago.

But I kept at it, social media played a huge part in this. I would post only 15 seconds of something, 15 seconds, it wasn't too long, I could still look good in 15 seconds. In 15 seconds you didn't see the hyperventilating, you didn't see the cramps, you didn't see the mistakes. When people asked for more, I made more videos. But then I realised that perhaps I needed to stop making videos with the old music. The old music was a thing of the past, I am now in the present. I don't belong to any dance company. I was free to dance to any tune I wanted to.

But how was I supposed to do this? I had no music to call my own. So I commissioned some items from India and spent 2 weeks learning these pieces. It was no easy feat. I had not learned items in over 6 years, but I leaped over the hurdles placed in front of me and succeeded in learning them. My body ached like it had never ached before, man...to be young again. But this pain was needed, it was needed to push me to my extreme so that I could heal and come back stronger.

What else was I going to do with the space, I thought. So I messaged a friend and asked her if she would like to spend an hour or two every fortnight just to bodyjam and do phrases of her old contemporary pieces. You know, just so I could keep my body moving and stir some creative juices.

One thing led to another and she asked me if I was interested in dancing with her for Tari 14, a dance festival hosted by ASWARA. Without thinking, I said yes. This friend was Rathi.

Rathimalar Govindarajoo was my very first teacher when I started dancing at the age of eight. I still remember the old bungalow in Titiwangsa, we were all standing in the porch when a girl walks in. She was 15 years old and my favourite dancer. She was so freaking sexy on stage. Those of you who have had the pleasure of watching her dance knows what I am talking about. She was like fireworks! Her quick, sharp movements full of power and yet soft and fluid like silk. I want to dance like her one day, 8-year old me silently wished.

So I jumped, like I always do, into the deep end not knowing what to expect. We started after the adi masam period, and it has been 2 months since then. Both of us did not know what we were going to create and we did not know what to expect, all we knew was that we were going to enjoy the process of creating and that this was going to be a fun project, OUR fun project.

We decided on the name 'rehab' because dance has always made us feel good. Call it therapeutic, but after every dance rehearsal, we'd always go home satisfied, fulfilled and relaxed. We also discovered in the process that the both of us were so similar yet polar opposites and thought that it would be interesting to play with this subject, almost like a parallel universe. Where I saw myself in her and her in me.

We premiere this piece next Thursday, November 13th at 5pm at ASWARA and it is hard not to be nervous. But this entire journey together has been nothing short of phenomenal. This would be my first time on stage since the kids and then it hit me. Rathi had no doubt in her mind that I would be able to dance. Her confidence in me is and will forever be one of the greatest gifts I have ever received.

I left Sutra in 2009 and have dabbled in and out of dance. I got married, had two kids and have not danced since then. And yet, this crazy woman thought of me and thought of doing something together. She drives to my house for every rehearsal, has the patience to layan my kids when they don't nap (we try to rehearse when the kids nap), and has just renewed my love for dancing and made me believe that I can still dance.

Rathi, I love you. I am so, so honoured to be sharing the stage with you and I am so happy that 'rehab' has been born out of so much love. To infinity and beyond...

rehab

Nov 13

5pm

ASWARA

How Our First Family Holiday Made Me Rethink Travelling With Twins

Published on makchic.com May 2014

Just like us, I’m sure that parents of multiples experience panic attacks thinking about their first family trip, especially when it involves air travel. For our family’s first holiday, we went to Phuket because it was near enough and my parents live there, so we could have some sort of peace of mind that there would be an extra pair of hands to help with our twins.

Also, like all parents, we were hopeful, optimistic and confident that it was going to be an awesome first trip filled with wonderful memories. Little did I know that I’d be the one coming home completely traumatised.

You see it was one of those trips where everything that could go wrong, did go wrong.

The journey to Phuket went smoothly even though the flight crew didn’t offer to help folding and assembling our stroller.

On our second day, Jade had a fever, which we brushed aside as teething fever. Fortunately, I packed some medicine but when her fever didn’t subside the next day and she started throwing up, we had to buy a thermometer from the pharmacy to monitor her temperature. Worried was an understatement mainly because Jade has never been sick before; she also had trouble keeping anything down, even her medicine. Thankfully, she was much better on the third day but we kept her out of the sun and let her swim with us a little bit to keep her temperature down.

On the same night that Jade was feverish and throwing up, we had a small incident in our hotel room that required us to switch rooms in the middle of the night. From juggling a sick baby to the other baby who was so tired he went past sleepy to hyper, it felt like one of the worst nights of our lives. Thankfully, the hotel did everything for us and I could just worry about the babies, which was difficult enough!

After that bout of bad luck, things started looking brighter the following day. Jade got better and was enjoying her pool time. Leo showed no signs of catching whatever Jade had so we were yet again very hopeful and optimistic about the trip.

Then came the plane ride back home.

We were very courageous (more like naïve and stupid) to book the last flight out of Phuket because we didn’t want to be rushed and we wanted to get the most of our holiday. We were so optimistic (more like naïve and stupid) that we didn’t even factor in the probability of a delay, the time it takes to come back from the airport, and getting the babies ready for bed.

On our way to the airport, Leo was getting a little warm and by the time we checked-in, it was definitely a fever. Luckily, I packed the fever medicine and newly bought thermometer in their diaper bag. But because we were flying in the late afternoon, the babies didn’t have their afternoon nap and they were getting very cranky. When we boarded the plane, they were in full-fledged tantrum mode and I was ready to cry.

They calmed down once they had their bottles in their mouth and were mostly asleep during the flight. Unfortunately, the 80-minute flight became 150 minutes because we were queued to land and we got home very late.

I failed to mention that I also caught Jade’s bug in the middle of the holiday and all three of us took about a week and a half to recover. There’s seriously nothing worse than being sick yourself while taking care of sick babies.

A couple of months ago hubby and I toyed with the idea of bring the twins along on his business trip to the United States. I got so excited about the thought of posting selfies of the babies and I in Central Park, eating bagels and pizzas.

After our recent trip, that idea has been stored in a box and that box has been buried deep in our garden and will probably only resurface in a few years time.

8 Ways To Survive Water Rationing With Babies

Published on makchic.com April 2014

Let’s face it, water rationing sucks. I didn’t think I could handle the alternate “two day got water, two day no water” scheduling but at the end of March I patted my back and said, “Well done January, you did it.” Then I got sent an email saying that they were extending it for another month. All the curse words in every language I knew ran through my head and I had a knot in my tummy. How in the world am I going to go through this again?

We’re halfway through April and I hope and pray to all the Gods that this will end this month. It hasn’t been easy but in a way I use water a lot more intelligently now. Here are a few things I’ve done to survive the dreaded rationing with two 7-month old babies at home.

1. I’m lucky that I live in a house that has a tank but even then without proper usage the tank can run out pretty quickly so now bathing rights go solely to my husband because he goes to work. Babies come second, so they bathe every alternate day if not they are just wiped down and I bathe on days that there is water.
2. Fill up every single container you have. All the pots and pans in your kitchen, water pitchers, pails and if need be buy bigger containers to fill up on days you have water. Buy extra thermos flasks to fill up boiling water with and keep cooled boiled water for all formula feeds.
3. If you have enough milk bottles for all their feeds, great, I sterilize six the night before and four in the afternoon after their third feed. Wash all bottles at the end of the day, not after each use.
4. The first thing I do when water comes in is the babies’ laundry and only then mine. I try not to do any laundry on the second day there is water so I can keep the tank as full as possible for the next two days.
5. I cook (my food and babies’ food) on the first day that there is water and keep the rest in the fridge or freezer so that for meals all I need to do is reheat on no water days.
6. I use one mug for my coffee and one glass for water throughout the day. For meals, I use paper plates and disposable chopsticks or eat with my hands to reduce cutlery as much as possible.
7. If water levels get too low I wash my hair at a hair salon, which is great because I get to pamper myself too.
8. Keep pails outside to collect rainwater, you can use this water to wash bathrooms or the porch.

Starting Solid Food With My Twins

Published on makchic.com March 2014

To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve not really stressed out about parenting till the day came to start feeding my babies solid food. I had absolutely no idea what I was doing; I used Google so much that I ended up being more confused and I almost had an anxiety attack. The problem was that I found information in bits and pieces. Nothing really tells you exactly what to do, plus I had two mouths to feed for the first time!

So here are some notes from my experience of starting my babies on solid food, which I hope other mums of multiples would find helpful:

What You’ll Need

• Utensils: I feed my babies using one bowl, one colour changing spoon (lets you know when food is too hot), and a couple of bibs. A sippy cup was introduced later when their had better grip.
• Highchair: My babies aren’t able to sit on their own so we haven’t bought them high chairs yet. At the moment they are fed in netted bouncers, which are easy to clean.
• Baby food maker: Like most women, I love pretty things and I was very tempted to purchase the Beaba Babycook but I didn’t because already had a steamer and a food puree apparatus at home. Sure, I have to wash up a few more things but it does the job, which is all that matters.
• Baby recipe book: It helps to invest in a good baby recipe book for healthy recipes and to get an idea what babies can eat at what stage. A friend of mine gave me Renee Elliott’s The Top 100 Healthy Recipes For Babies & Toddlers and so far my babies have lapped up everything I’ve made for them.

Preparing

• To retain nutrients, I steam the vegetables, add in a bit of the steam water and blitz everything in a food puree apparatus. Fruits like apples, mangoes and pears are blitzed raw.
• My paediatrician’s advice was to prepare food roughly the size of my babies’ fist and gradually increasing their portions as they get used to eating solids. My babies’ first food was sweet potato and then only brown rice cereal two weeks later. Now, they have 3oz of fruit in the morning and 2oz of veggies mixed with a tablespoon of cereal (brown rice, millet, quinoa, etc) for dinner.

 Storing

• I’ve been preparing the baby food in advance and freezing it because it works for me. I’ve been storing them in baby cubes and reheating it when necessary.

Feeding

• My son initially didn’t like the idea of solid food. I used to smear food on his mouth so that he could taste and hang of it. After observing his sister having so much fun eating, he finally loves it too.
• To make sure they are eating the same amount of food, I’d feed them a spoonful each.
• I started off with one meal first at 11am because it was when they weren’t too fussy and they had time to digest before night time in case they didn’t agree with certain foods. At six months, they now have breakfast at 9.30am and dinner at 6pm alongside their usual formula feeds. This may decrease slightly since solids fill them up a little more.
• Solids tend to constipate your little one so make sure you give them a couple of spoons of plain water after a few spoons of solids. I stress on plain water and not a sweetened drink because you don’t want to start them on the bad habit of only drinking sweetened beverages.

 Meals on Wheels

• Feeding the babies when we’re out and about is usually a stress-free affair. We prop them up in their stroller and fed them as per usual.
• If I’m organised, I’ll pack their food from home. Otherwise, I bring along bottles of jarred organic baby food from my pantry.
• I also pack my own water because you never know how clean the water is wherever you are going.
• Just remember to bring zip lock bags for dirty bibs and cutlery.

As with everything, just have fun with it because this is your babies first experience with food and you want them to enjoy it and not shun away every time they see a spoon. Also, just because you don’t like a certain vegetable doesn’t mean that they will hate it too. Try to expose your babies to as many flavours and colours now to develop their palate for later on.

Sleep Training With Twins

Published on makchic.com March 2014

Sleep training, without a doubt, is the second most sensitive topic after breastfeeding. Some people say that letting your baby cry it out will affect their sense of security and trust in the world as adults. But as with everything else that comes along with parenthood, you need to make a decision that best suits your lifestyle and temperament.

I’m a stay-at-home-mum without outside help so I need to stick very closely to a routine to keep sane. I’m proud to say that I eat three meals a day, shower, do the laundry on most days, which any mother would know is a huge feat.

Sleep training is basically training your baby to sleep on his or her own, and teaching them to connect their sleep cycles so that they can sleep continuously throughout the night. That’s right – no rocking, no patting, no nothing. I put my babies in their cots and they sleep. If they wake up in the middle of the night, they know how to pacify themselves and eventually go back to sleep on their own.

Of course, this doesn’t come easy because in order to get your baby to learn how to sleep on their own, there will be a lot of tears (sometimes not the baby’s) and at times you may even want to give in, open the door and carry them. I knew that sleep training would be a must for my baby even before I had a baby because I had a friend who had a sleep-trained kid and I was completely shocked at how her kid used to nap like clockwork every single day.

From the time we brought the babies back from the hospital we had somewhat of a system everyday where we’d get them ready for bed at around 5.30pm. I know that sounds really early but for us, it involves two babies to bathe, change and feed so by the time they are actually put in their cots it’s already 7pm.

I’m not sure if this helped but my babies were sleeping through the night before they were even three months old. However, I did struggle with their daytime naps. When they turned four months old, I tried out my friend’s three hourly cycle and it seemed to work wonders for my babies.

Here’s an example of a schedule that a friend gave to me, which you can tweak to suit your little one’s feeds. But keep in mind that they shouldn’t stay up for more than a hour and a half or so.

5.30 am- Nurse and then back down to bed
8.30 am- Nurse and then “Activity time”
10.00 am- Down for a Nap (1 to 1 ½ hours)
11.30 pm- Nurse and then “Activity time”
1.00 pm- Down for a Nap (1 to 1 ½ hours)
2.30 pm- Nurse and then “Activity time”
4.00 pm- Down for a Nap (1 hour)
5.30 pm- Nurse and then “Activity time”
8.00 pm- Bath (every other day)
8.30 pm- Nurse and then down to bed for the night (Asleep by 9:00pm)

Sleep Training Tips:

1. As difficult as it is to believe, babies love routine so once you’ve started your training try to keep at it for at least two weeks so that the habit can be formed.

2. The more sleep your baby has, the better your baby will sleep at night. Babies who don’t have enough sleep are cranky babies and so take a long time to settle down and sleep.

3. Try not to pick up your baby the second you hear a whimper from him or her; most of the time he or she will fall right back to sleep by himself or herself.

4. Take cues from your baby. The moment you see him or her rubbing their eyes or yawning or staring into space put them to bed immediately.

5. Try not to over-stimulate your baby just before nap time; instead try leaving them alone so that they can learn to be independent and wind down on their own.

6. If possible try not to change your baby’s diapers at midnight (unless you really need to) because this will eventually become a habit for them and they will wake up at midnight every night.

7. If your baby has started to sleep through the night on his or her, chances are that he or she doesn’t need the midnight feed anymore.

8. If you’re a parent of multiples you can try staggered scheduling where one is fed 15 to 20 minutes later than the other child so that you can avoid two simultaneously hungry and cranky babies.

9. As cute as it is to hear your baby coo and baby talk at 3 or 4 in the morning don’t go over to their cot to play with them because if they start expecting you to come over to play with them, it won’t be so cute for long.

10. Babies’ sleep patterns are constantly changing and we need to be aware of these changes and go with the flow.