failure...

this evening, while i was driving back from a shoot i felt very, very heavy. my heart, my head. and i couldn't really put a finger on the emotion i was feeling. i have never felt this way before as a mother but today i felt like a mother of three that failed to accomplish her mission today.

i started the day knowing that i would be doing a shoot today, optimistic and calm. i didn't really tell anyone about the shoot because i was like 'pfft...piece of cake'.

boy was i stupid.

i had to leave 2 minutes after they started shooting. want to know why? because i am a fucking mother of three that cannot keep her kids out past 8pm. i was out in the day prepping for the shoot and very soon realised that i would not be able to complete the shoot because it was waaay past the kids' bedtimes and i did not want to experience the apocalyptic tantrums had i completed the shoot.

for the first time i didn't have anyone to help me with the kids and i had to choose them over myself.

i think before, i would've have been so angry at everyone for not being there to help me but today i just felt disappointed that i failed to accomplish my mission for the day.

but i shan't dwell on that. today i was  blessed by so many friends. i met cammy, abang sean, suhaili, mama ida, khir, shegar, mesh, deb and so many people who really showered my kids and i with love.

yes, i'm going to focus on that. that perhaps today was a good day after all.